Get mad if you want, but I know Drew Magary was just taking everyone for a walk here, and if you don’t see that, you’re too easy a mark.
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You’re also too easy a mark if you think either Goose Gossage or Bryce Harper represents the true voice of baseball. There is no true voice of baseball, and the fact is all voices get heard. This is one more young-guy-rages-against-old-fogey-reages-against-changing-sport ouroboros of nonsense.
Put another way, Bryce Harper’s way is no more prevalent than Mike Trout’s –- though Madison Bumgarner has been known from time to time to want to cast the deciding vote.
In any event, let a thousand flowers bloom, which is an old Chinese proverb meaning, “Will you all just shut the hell up?”
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Colin Kaepernick’s pro day went about as we could have expected -– with nothing being accomplished. It is free-agent season, when everyone is a liar even when they’re not even speaking, or nothing you heard five minutes ago means anything now.
He’ll get traded when he’s traded, and we will mock the 49ers for playing Indian (where you put a card face out against your forehead and then bet with equally drunken moron pals) when everyone else seems to be playing Omaha (Texas hold-em with four hole cards).
Either way, Blaine Gabbert will get the blame, the poor sod.
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Elsewhere, Boogie Cousins. George Karl. Vlade Divac. Vivek Ranadive. Even Willie Cauley-Stein. A new building on the horizon, and a piefight with sneakers to populate it.
So how exactly do the Sacramento Kings still exist?
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Guess who still thinks he can play in the MLS? Yep, Chad (Ochocinco) Johnson, as he told Dan LeBatard on his radio show Wednesday.
“You know what, if I was able to get that trial with Sporting KC now, I would make the team,” Johnson told LeBatard (and has anyone ever asked what his surname means in French?). “My touch and my skill has come back. I hadn't played football in the past five years and I've been playing back on the pitch the past five years.”
In truth, Johnson isn’t good enough, unless the quality of play is far worse than the league wants us to think, but if he wants a few months, MLS commissioner Don Garber will give him a free expansion team. He’s got a continent full of them.
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The NFL Network’s Heath Evans on partyboy/serial drunk/potential washout Johnny Manziel:
“I wish Roger Goodell would pass out a memo, league-wide memo saying we’re gonna blackball this young man. For the betterment of future of our league, for every young man that gets to watch our great game and the great NFL shield. Say we’re not tolerating this type of selfish, childish, mindless behavior.
“I’m okay with first, second, third strike opportunities. Breaks and mercy, you won’t find anyone more forgiving. But time and time again this kid spits in the face of our league. There’s too many guys — Solly [Wilcots], myself, Willie McGinest, Eric Davis. I’ll go through a whole list of that guys at our network who have come before him, done things the right way, and he just refuses to respect our game, our shield, and our league.”
He will bumped up to Human Resources any day now. Mostly to punish the people in Human Resources.
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Michelob Ultra made a commercial using James Brown’s classic “Sex Machine” as the background for what is essentially low-cal beer. I hate this earth.
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And finally, I particularly hate this earth right now because NBA icon Joey Crawford’s right knee told him he can’t be part of the fun any more, as told to the estimable Stece Achburner. Anyone who doesn’t understand that he was a titan, as declared so by the players whom dung-skulled outsiders always claimed he embarrassed, should be glued to a stone bench and forced to watch . . . well, the modern official of your choice for 24 uninterrupted hours.
Now go away. You mark.