For a few hours, an idiotic rumor was floated about Eddie DeBartolo The Younger being interested in getting a piece of the action in the Chargers’-Raiders’ joint move to Los Angeles. Idiotic because DeBartolo needed only a few hours to deny the rumor with prejudice as the vapid stupidity it was.
We know this was wrong, though, not because of his denial, but because of the Just Say No formula -– D plus V1 over T equals V2. Denial plus vehemence over time equals veracity. Ask any sabermetrician.
Just don’t ask him or her to explain that doctoral thesis on VORP.
X X X
I think I am about to settle the “who’s a thug” quandary that arises every time some athlete does something outside the parameters of acceptable behavior (like, say, Cam Newton’s celebration dance today, which annoyed some Paul Brown-era purists). From the old Anglican hymn, as last interpreted for the Dr. Pepper people by Jake Holmes in 1978:
“I drink Thug and I'm proud.
“I used to be alone in a crowd.
“But now you look around these days,
“There seems to be a Thug craze.
I’m a Thug, He’s a Thug, She’s a Thug, We’re a Thug, Wouldn’t you like to be a Thug too?
“I’m a Thug, He’s a Thug, She’s a Thug, We’re a Thug, Wouldn’t you like to be a Thug too? If you drink Thug, you're a Thug too.”
Can I get a weary amen?
X X X
And while I’m at it, why isn’t Antonio Brown a thug by this lousy definition? Is it because he stuck the landing?
X X X
By the way, if you want to know why people play fantasy sports, there’s this: Favorites were 2-10 going into the Arizona-Seattle game, and the preponderance of the money moved toward the team that lost in six of the 10 games that had a side.
That’s all jargon for “the NFL has almost twice as many losing teams than winning ones,” and its more immediate corollary, “the public got clipped.”
But hey, maybe you had Adrian Peterson.
X X X
Did I miss it, but is there a cash prize for being the first person to declare that Peyton Manning may as well be led by his eyelids into the knackers yard? I mean, yes he was awful, and yes he may be hurt, but the “I knew it!” crowd is never not obnoxious. Never.
Of course, this is what happens when Kirk Cousins’ quarterback rating is the equivalent of perfect (158.3) while Manning’s is the equivalent of dead (0.0).
X X X
Oh, and did I miss it, or was there supposed to be a fistfight between Jonathan Kraft, first-to-the-egg in the New England Patriots hierarchy, and commissioner Roger Goodell on the sidelines before Sunday’s Patriots-Giants game in New York? There wasn’t, of course, and Kraft had to deny suggestions that the conversation between the three (Jonathan’s dad Bob was there, too) was heated.
“Our feelings on that are known,” Kraft the Younger said of the team’s contentious issues with the league on his usual pregame radio appearance. “At the same time, there's other business going on that we're involved in. You separate those two things, and that's the way it's working right now.” He described those as e-commerce and digital media -– and maybe a little extra Draft Kings on the side.
Kraft said he thought Goodell came to the game at MetLife Stadium because “he lives in New York, and the situation that happened on Friday in Paris, which is beyond words tragic and horrible, part of what took place there was at a sporting event. I’m sure that's one of Roger's motives — the need to be public, at a venue. I give him a lot of credit, wanting to be visible. I think that's why he's here and that way rises above anything else.”
If you say so, Jon, old sock, old shoe, old goat.
X X X
Then there’s Aaron Rodgers, who took time out of his postgame flog after the Packers’ loss to (oog) Detroit to castigate a fan who decided to share his thoughts on Muslims (apparently, they suck, according to this diplomat from Imbecileostan) during the moment of silence for the victims of the coordinated terror attack in Paris Friday:
“I must admit I was very disappointed with whoever the fan was that made a comment that was very inappropriate during the moment of silence,” Rodgers said. “It's that kind of prejudicial ideology that puts us in the position we're in today as a world.”
He’s correct, of course, but that’s an argument that never seems to fail when someone can ethnically and religiously generalize that quickly.
X X X
And finally, did UFC grand fondue Dana White go into stasis, or is there really not already a deal for a rematch between Holly Holm and Ronda Rousey? I mean, this should have been done as soon as the referee started spreading his arms to end Saturday’s fight.
No wonder we can’t get anything done in this country any more.