Steve Nash’s attempt to make one last NBA comeback by making the New York Cosmos’ B-team training squad apparently went bad because he is about to be named a consultant for the Golden State Warriors.
His first four recommendations: 1. When in doubt, pass. 2. Incorporate the maple leaf into the team logo and all marketing. 3. If San Francisco doesn’t work out, put the new arena in Vancouver. 4. Change the team name to Golden State Hotspurs.
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We’d abandoned all hope of the Athletics becoming the first last place team to achieve a positive run differential, but that was before they beat the White Sox Tuesday, 17-6. Right now, they are a mere minus-one, and Bob Melvin is a deity even for people who choose not to believe in a deity.
Of course, the toilets in the church will occasionally give it up, but hey, some people walk barefoot at holiday times.
[INSTANT REPLAY: A's jump on Samardzija, pound White Sox 17-6]
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The NFL is holding owners’ meetings in October, and have decided not to let St. Louis, San Diego or Oakland make presentations about moving to Los Angeles.
You know what this means? All bribes are sealed and in possession of the correct committee, and now the horse-trading, internecine screwjobs and debt repayments, and political back-stabbing can be done without anyone trying to overhear. “If the cities were to present, they would just get polite attention. At a league meeting, in that room, nobody hears anything, particularly when there are outsiders and when we have a full agenda. They would be short presentations, and you’d be bringing in the state or city leadership in to do a big dog, horse and pony show and then nobody asks a question, or if they do it’s just sort of a polite one.”
Those were actually the words used by the NFL’s vice president in charge of dealing with Stan, Dean and Mark, Eric Grubman. But he really meant what I said.
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“Dog, horse and pony show?” What kind of menageries do the owners entertain when they meet? Is this Cirque du Soleil for septuagenarian billionaires?
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Peyton Manning, who has received a back problem from the Denver Broncos as part of the NFL’s ongoing war with its own injury policy, has decided that the people asking about the injuries are part of the problem by diagnosing several Denver media members with such arcane ailments as carpal tunnel syndrome, bunions, a mystery rash and gout.
Knowing the Denver media to the extent I do, I am surprised he forgot Dutch elm disease, cirrhosis, diverticulitis, hydrocephaly, rabies, Fallot’s tetralogy, and in a few rare cases, Bendii syndrome, which is usually found in Vulcans.
Trust us, Denver media are serious carriers of one damned thing or another. As for Manning, he’ll play Sunday, because he has an immunity to Osweiler’s Syndrome.
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The San Jose Sharks just hired Evgeni Nabokov to help straighten out their goaltending situation, in which case I recommend they immediately sign Virginia goalie Jake Anderson, who may be available after being ejected from a recent game in which the Cavaliers were leading, 7-0, because he downed a Keystone beer handed him by a fan during the game,
Unless, of course, he was booted BECAUSE it was a Keystone, in which case he had it coming and should have to get his damned degree and try to deal with $300,000 in student loan debt while working at Piggly Wiggly.
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Much has made of Eli Manning telling Rashad Jennings not to score in the waning minutes of the New York Giants’ tracheotomy to the Dallas Cowboys, but Oakland Raiders have known that without being told for more than a decade now.
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If the New York Giants were a religion, Jason Pierre-Paul’s fingers would be considered holy relics.
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And finally, I have yet to hear any Canadian fans count down to the start of the NHL season. Then again, there is every possibility that they may still be drunk from the Canadian Football League’s opening weekend.