I have nothing left to say about Bob (Leon Trotsky) Kraft and Roger (Longshanks) Goodell except this.
Thank you, boys. We all knew we could count on you. Now don’t let us down.
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Former U.S. Olympic goaltender Jim Craig’s decision to dump his treasure trove of Miracle On Ice memorabilia (everything himself, actually) for $5.7 million is a small enough tale, but he does get points for honesty.
“After the 35th anniversary (in February], and after our teammate Bobby Suter died, I thought it was important to be responsible with these pieces to grow and protect the legacy for my family,” he said. “And my wife certainly doesn't want to see pictures of Jim Craig all over the house.”
She is apparently good with lots of pictures of long-dead Supreme Court chief justice Salmon P. Chase, though. His is the face on the $10,000 bill, which you’d know if you had worked a little harder in sixth grade, you turnip.
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The only non-standup in the world who is impervious to smack talk is Chelsea coach Jose Mourinho, and he doesn’t care who he turns on. This time, for example, he wheeled and fired on the wife of Real Madrid coach Rafa Benitez, Maria de Montserrat, who said (erroneously, as it turns out), “Real Madrid are the third of Mourinho's old teams Rafa has coached. We tidy up his messes.”
Hint: The two men don’t much care for each other.
Thus, Mourinho decided to get his back, presumably daring Rafa to defend his bride.
“The lady is a bit confused, with all respect,” Mourinho said. “I'm not laughing. She is confused because her husband went to Chelsea to replace Roberto Di Matteo and he went to Real Madrid and replaced Carlo Ancelotti. The only club where her husband replaced me was at Inter Milan, where in six months he destroyed the best team in Europe at the time.”
But wait. It gets pissier.
“And for her also to think about me and to speak about me, I think she needs to occupy her time, and if she takes care of her husband's diet she will have less time to speak about me.”
Lesson: Nobody but nobody chooses The Chosen One, not without a lot scorch marks and scarring.
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Now given what you just learned in the last item, what’s your new opinion of Bobby Kraft’s middle finger to the NFL? Not quite so yummy, is it?
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The Washington football team claims it attracts 7.845 BILLION unique views on social and print-based media, based on what the research firm they hired says is “impressions,” meaning any time a person is exposed to a news story about the event, including social media posts. This is approximately more than 480,000,000 more unique views that actual people on the planet as of the time of this slanderage.
In other words, we can conclude that while players may still use PEDs, at least one NFL front office is hooked on nitrous oxide.
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I will merely copy this message from Chris Wright of Who Ate All The Pies for you because he has encapsulated this event better than anyone else.
“A museum exhibition (centered) around the current corruption scandal engulfing FIFA is to go on display in Las Vegas in September. Rather fittingly, the permanent installation is to go on display at the city’s National Museum of Organized Crime and Law Enforcement, which is informally known as ‘The Mob Museum.’
“Entitled ‘The ‘Beautiful Game’ Turns Ugly,’ the exhibit will feature photos, media clippings and narratives about the bribery, accusations, racketeering, etc, that have swamped world football’s governing body over the past few weeks/months/years. The Mob Museum’s executive director said in a statement that he is hoping the FIFA exhibition will prove especially popular with Las Vegas’ throngs of foreign tourists.
“If they’re selling ‘Sepp Blatter in money’ snow globes in the gift shop, then we’ll be on the first plane out.”
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Ryan Nanni, who by night steals body parts from mortuaries but by day is @celebrityhottub at the magnificent college football web site Every Day Should Be Saturday, created a Sporcle quiz (this is what happens when the time on one’s hands becomes a grandfather clock) in which you have 10 minutes to name the 31 college coaches Charlie Weis beat in his eight years at Notre Dame and Kansas.
John L. Smith
I didn’t come close. But I do know two of the 32 coaches he lost to were Harbaugh and Pete Carroll.
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And finally, the concept of a shared 2024 Olympics between Los Angeles and San Francisco is going to be bandied about at the next IOC meeting in Kuala Lumpur. Maybe, that is. There is still the matter of the two cities’ chief Olympic nags, Casey Wasserman and Larry (yeah, that one) Baer getting Governor Jerry Brown to agree to the state covering cost overruns, so I guess the result of this plan is ultimately the question Brown is going to ask.
“What is this Olympics of which you speak, and why would I want you to tell me?”