And yet again, the 49ers are confronted by a problem, examine it from all sides, and choose the solution that makes them look smallest and most petty. They are uncanny in this regard.
The latest grenade comes in their attempt to buy the youth soccer fields next to Pants Pavilion for $15 million and turn them into parking lots, a bowling alley, a York Family museum or whatever else strikes their fancies. Only the soccer folks are fighting back, citing the fact that fields are hard to find, that fewer kids could end up playing because of it, and that the city of Santa Clara would take the money without any idea of how to make the fields right.
That would be the usual method, anyway. Team waves money at city for a deal that usually works to the team’s benefit only. City sees money, forgets why it actually exists, takes money and serves at pleasure of team.
Now this is the part where Jed York rises up and says, “Keep the fields and accept this monetary token of our esteem and interest in being good citizens.” We will now wait for Trent Baalke to hold his breath until this happens.
[RELATED: 49ers 2015 schedule breakdown]
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If you’re looking for a town gripped by playoff fever, New Orleans isn’t it. New Orleans is gripped by jazz and music fever to be sure, but the Pelicans, the town’s fourth team, haven’t yet been able to make much of a dent in the town’s consciousness.
Yet.
Anthony Davis’ advancements as a player will likely bring the town along with him, but this franchise has won only one series in its history, in the early Chris Paul era. More notably, the Hornets (the team’s old nickname from its time in Charlotte) have the worst loss in playoff history, 121-63, to Denver in 2009.
In fact, the high-water mark for New Orleans basketball came in the first two years of the ABA, when the Buccaneers won the first championship and then lost in the second year in a sweep to . . . wait for it . . .
Rick Barry and the Oakland Oaks. A coincidence, or something more sinister?
[REWIND: Warriors up 2-0 because 'defense won us the game']
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More proof hockey is a more genteel sport than you know: While the heat from Cincinnati Reds manager Bryan Price’s 77 F-bomb to/at/through Cincinnati Enquirer writer C. Trent Rosecrans is still radiating, Pittsburgh Penguins general manager Jim Rutherford was more succinct to the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review’s Rob Rossi, merely dropping a few “You’re a f----- jerk” salvos here and there and finishing with a stern, “Go sell ice cream now.”
At least Price was speaking toward the nature of modern journalism. Rutherford went full ad hominem, not giving a moment’s thought to the possibility that Rossi might have been lactose intolerant.
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Next up: Our first profane Bobby Evans rant. We nominate Comrade Pavlovic for this, as he surely has one coming.
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Monty Williams’ accurate and twisted analysis of the Warriors piped-in noise issue is now a thing of the past, which means it’s time for Steve Kerr to make a regal stink about King Cake Baby and the new cheerier New Orleans Pelican mascot, Pierre.
Kerr owes us one here.
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Speaking of which, using the word “snub” to discuss the Warriors getting neither Sixth Man of the Year or Coach of the Year is wrong. A snub would be if the NBA said Andre Iguodala and Steve Kerr were not considered because they are crummy people, or don’t dress well enough, or are varieties of cheese.
Besides, they’ll all get fat and happy off the Stephen Curry news in May. If that one doesn’t happen, then you can squawk, but the operative word won’t be “snub,” but “screwjob.”
[RELATED: Warriors' Kerr snubbed in Coach of the Year voting]
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I never really considered the Kansas City Royals as a likely team to turn heel; that always seemed better suited to the Red Sox, Yankees, Angels or Hiroshima Carp. But I think this could work. All Ned Yost has to do is remind the players that there are more babyfaces out there than the Oakland Athletics. Frankly, I’d give the Twins a go. They seem relatively docile.
[RELATED: Lawrie: Royals series 'wasn't baseball,' Reddick unhappy]
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The tickets for the Pacquiao-Mayweather abomination still are not for sale because of some idiotic dispute between rich guys who don’t fight (may they fry in an unventilated gym in hell), so let’s go bold and hope that the sides can also not agree on passes to the fight, thereby prohibiting the fighters from entering the arena, the fight is canceled and never rescheduled.
Look, I’m doing this for you people out there. You’re getting hosed. Stop and think what you’re doing.
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Oh, I forgot one other thing. The fight’s referee, Kenny Bayless, is being paid $25,000, or about two grand more than Pacquiao and Mayweather are being paid PER SECOND. So I also hope that if, despite my most prevent protestations, the fight comes, I hope it ends up fixed.
Yeah, I’m kind of bitter about this.
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And finally, I still would watch more of that revolting fight than I did of the NFL schedule show. True, you’d have to nail-gun my eyelids open and tie me to a wooden chair to do it, but I’d endure that before “And the Bills get the Jets again in Week 11.”
I think Rich Eisen doesn’t let this show air in his home where children can see it and make judgments about the old man. At least I hope so.
