It’s the holiday season, and that means -– season ticket renewal forms go out. Thus, we shouldn’t be completely shocked that Penn State sent out a season ticket renewal form to Jerry Sandusky, who isn’t likely to be available for any of them any time soon (which is to say, ever).
But it’s nice to know that Penn State has forgiven and forgotten years of hateful ick, on the theory that his deposit will arrive on time.
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Colin Kaepernick did a modified Marshawn Lynch in his Wednesday presser, looking sharp in his Reckless beanie and just-lost-his-cellphone-down-a-sewer-grate expression, which brings us to this:
If he and Lynch were on the vanguard of a league-wide player protest over the league’s ham-handed behavior over player conduct this year and using nonviolent non-cooperation with the media as their tool, I’d be all in favor of every stunted, disinterested, monosyllabic, contempt-drenched response.
As it is, it’s already just a cliché celebrating boredom against people who don’t really make the job any more difficult than it already is, and done better by others decades ago (see Sterling Sharpe for the acme of media revulsion).
And frankly, Kaepernick isn’t even putting in as much thought to it as Lynch did. Oh, well, I guess it’s like being a better and more complete quarterback -– it takes time.
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Borussia Dortmund, one of the few German soccer powers who are always powers (Bayern Munich is 1, 2, 4, 7 and 9 in the top 10), is having a difficult season, so it did what all teams should do –- hold a Christmas party at their ballpark’s grand suite where the players sign autographs and then pull pints for the fans.
By that standard, we have teams that should be pouring so much beer that it should be providing designated drivers by the hundreds.
And if that doesn’t say ho-ho-ho, nothing does.
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This, from The Onion, as an indirect response to the question of why all the Jim Harbaugh rumors are nonsense. A highlight:
“Reached for comment, members of the Michigan athletic department told reporters they are equally thankful the program’s fall from prominence has drastically lessened the pressure to get the next coaching hire right.”
And there you go.
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So the Buffalo Bills took the money and ran from the idea of moving to Toronto. The team had played games in Canada going back to 2008, but suspended the plan after a half-empty Rogers Centre resulted in lots of Atlanta fans for a Bills home game, and now have sold to local billionaire Terry Pegula for $1.4B, and Pegula is committed to Buffalo for all eternity.
He is also making noise about a new stadium, so eternity ends a lot sooner than people think.
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Corey Crawford's mysterious "lower-body" injury turned out to be a fairly hilarious one—the Blackhawks goalie says he missed a step and fell down while leaving a concert, severe enough to cause him to miss at least two weeks with a strained coccyx, dislocated eyelid or some other boatload of medical nonsense.
The Internet says he was seen at a Rise Against concert at the House of Blues, so I will leave it to you as to whether that’s a band worth a personal injury claim.
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And finally, it’s Christmas party season, so just a word of warning: If you’re wearing an ugly sweater in hopes of winning some nitwit door prize that you’ll flip into the dumpster once you leave the party, you suck. And this is not just me saying so. The entire nation says so with one clear, unambiguous voice. Wear big-kids clothes, for God’s sake, if for no other reason than validating everyone else’s right not to give a damn about what crap you put on and think is clever.
In other words, fashion is fascism, and always has been. Fight the power, fellow laundry heaps. Don’t let the snots make you wear things you don’t want to wear. This is America, and people who want to tell you what you should look like should be strangled with their cashmere scarves.
Now get out there and have a good time, damn you all.