Good news Giants fans: Adam Wainwright’s elbow didn’t crumble into Cheeto dust, and he will start Saturday’s first game of the National League Championship Series.
Now you’re job is to figure out how to combine a unicorn, Hunter Pence playing an accordion, a wheel of cheese and Frisbee-catching goats into your Game 1 offense.
I mean, you’ve set a standard already. We insist that you do not let America down at this critical juncture.
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I’ll believe this about three years after I see it, but according to The New York Times, the National Football League owners are considering limiting commissioner Roger Goodell’s access as mall cop without portfolio. The item, buried at the bottom of a story by Richard Sandomir and Ken Belson, was actually provided by Lisa Friel, a longtime prosecutor who is now advising the NFL on domestic violence issues.
She provided the owners with a fairly detailed overview of the problems inherent in devising a personal conduct policy that would protect victims rights, employee rights and not make the rest of the nation hate their living guts.
Of course, because we prefer our scandals simple, the issue of Goodell’s effectivess as the league’s inflatable punching bag has taken center stage, and there is still no indication what the owners intend to do about that.
But as with many things about the NFL, if it doesn’t spend, they just pretend. So let’s see if Friel is tapped into a groundswell of change, or just been the latest to get taken for a walk.
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The New York Jets have perfected the reverse quarterback controversy, in which one quarterback stinks and can’t tell time and the other doesn’t always feel like getting ready to replace him. This is of course a big thing in New York, a town that needs to be reminded constantly that The New York Jets really do not impact the rest of the nation in any meaningful way.
In sum, thanks for trying with Geno and Mikey -– really, that’s a great effort on your part –- but being crap at football (or football prep) is really not the needle-mover it used to be. You need unpunished crime to get us to notice now.
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Or Adrian Peterson, who is at this point the NFL’s leading current advocate for the job Goodell is doing in defending the integrity of the shield.
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And now, today in “Shut Up, You’re Years Too Late And Way Too Creepy Anyway,” Floyd Mayweather, Sr., told the world that the no-longer-awaited fight between his son and Manny Pacquiao “will happen.”
More specifically, “It’s gonna happen. That fight's gonna happen. Trust me,” he told fighthype.com. “That fight's definitely gonna happen. It’s a fight for the world, man, right there. It’s the biggest fight that has ever been in life, so like I said, man, that fight's gonna happen.”
No other details other than, “Yes, but we don’t want it any more. Go away. Stop speaking."
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And in other 49er news, Colin Kaepernick continues to fight the law, and the law continues to win. He is now down $21,025 in fines this year, and if nothing else, this should teach him that you never sign a management-friendly contract. They’re already management-friendly, and they still take money from you for owning your own ears.
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While we have wasted the better part of two years on the Jim Harbaugh Watch, Watford on the English Championship (the rung right below the Premier League) fired manager Billy McKinlay after eight days (a win and a draw) on the job, and his replacement, Slavisa Jokanovic, is the team’s fourth coach in six weeks.
This is not the fastest firing in sports history though. That honor belongs to Leroy Rosenior, who was hired at Torquay United seven years ago and while holding his introductory press conference was told the team had just been sold and he was out with the old furniture. Elapsed time: 10 minutes.
In other words, Harbaugh’s been here practically forever.
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And finally, in keeping with the Raiders’ luck this year, the family of the ball head coach Tony Sparano buried on the practice field this week is suing for wrongful death. Settlement talks have not yet begun but are expected soon.