Because this is the new National Football League, and you had damned well better get used to it, Jonathan Dwyer.
Lucky for him Roger Goodell is on the Commissioner’s Exempt List, in which the commissioner is exempt from the prying eyes of the rest of the known universe until such time as he decides to pop out from behind the curtain.
On the other hand, do we really need him to reassert himself at this point? Do we want to? I’m kind of getting used to the empty chair as a replacement for the emperor with no clothes.
X X X
In more league discipline, Colin Kaepernick is appealing his $11,025 fine for inappropriate discipline in Sunday’s pants-wetting against the Chicago Bears.
His appeal will be heard by Gary Bettman.
X X X
And speaking of the man, his league, the National Hockey League, apparently is waiting for someone else to sign on to having full on-jersey advertising before his league will join in what some people will call a $120 million windfall. That would be $4 million per team, which in the case of the Columbus Blue Jackets would allow them to end their unique nostril-clearing with center Ryan Johansen.
Johansen’s agent, Satan Incarnate (which is the Jackets’ name for him; his given name is Kurt Overhardt), wants to peg his client’s deal to those of Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane. The Jackets’ front office of high lord protector John Davidson and general manager Jarmo Kekalainen are so outraged by this that they announced their three different offers to Johansen in specific, which outraged Overhardt.
The two sides are far apart, but the interesting thing is that the great secret art of negotiating that prevents all teams from ever revealing the process or its specifics is no longer important. In other words, when teams and agents want to keep terms private, they are full of crap for no good reason whatsoever.
X X X
Remember Anthony Kim, the next Tiger? Unless you’re a golf freak, the answer is no, because Kim has essentially disappeared, the story of which has been ably typed by Sports Illustrated’s Alan Shipnuck.
But in case you don’t have time to read any more because you’re so pointlessly busy, here’s one of the theories as to why you can’t find him any more.
“Then again, maybe Kim is suffering from a kind of stage fright. He is more than three years removed from his last top 10, a strong run at the 2011 British Open. Ian Baker-Finch, David Duval and Mike Weir are among the champions of recent vintage whose aptitude for the game seemingly vanished overnight due to injury or swing changes. The scar tissue was as much mental as physical. Adam Schriber, Kim's swing coach since he was 14, says he hasn't been in touch with Kim –- ‘I don't know what's going on with him, man’ -- but he posits that Kim may have lost a fundamental belief in himself during his final two injury-plagued years on Tour.
“'He had so many things go wrong with his body, he was always making compensations,' says Schriber. 'And because of the injuries, he couldn't practice, so he would always turn up on the first tee searching for his swing. You do that long enough and it's easy to lose your confidence, even if you're as talented as he is.'"
“The friend in Dallas says Kim has confided that he feels he has lost some of his power off the tee. If that's true, seeing contemporaries such as McIlroy and Bubba Watson and Adam Scott overpower courses would surely not inspire the 5'10", 160-pound Kim to believe he can come back and compete with them. It may be that no single injury was a career-ender but that Kim's body is now so brittle he can't withstand the pounding required to be tournament-ready.”
Holy crap. Maybe he’s the current Tiger.
X X X
In the last two weeks, Texas quarterback David Ash and Connecticut quarterback Casey Cochran have both quit the game because of concussions. This is not another temperance lecture on the cranial insanity, but credit to Texas head coach Charlie Strong and UConn’s Bob Diaco for keeping them within the program so that they might prepare themselves for coaching or some other form of development within the game.
That’s what the college experience is supposed to be...educational. The fact that it is exceptional is damning.
X X X
And finally, the Onion, because, well, The Onion, especially the last line: BREAKING: Adrian Peterson Deactivated By Family.