We open today’s hot mess of typing with (ick) something relatively heartwarming from a world where the question isn’t “paper or plastic” but “what size do you wear?”
A five-year-old Afghani boy named Murtaza Ahmadi who was photographed wearing a makeshift Lionel Messi jersey made of plastic bag and ink, and after some extensive searching from many different agencies including the one who handles the Barcelona player, plus the odd hoax sighting (because it is the Internet, where no deed goes undegraded) they found the lad at last. Long story short, Messi is planning to fly to Ahmadi’s village to meet the boy, doubtless with all attendant publicity.
And somewhere I imagine Cristiano Ronaldo’s people frantically searching for a kid wearing a burlap bag with the number 7 on it. Because that’s the Internet, too.
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While DraftDuelKingsFan is on the rout in America for running afoul of the government, it and its compatriots in Canada are relatively unharmed for two very Canadian reasons. Reason The First:
“Authorities are more focused on anti-terrorism, and drugs, and biker gangs and the like, and they should be,” said Michael Lipton, a lawyer and gaming law expert with Dickinson Wright law firm in Toronto. “We’ve always had a fairly liberal attitude regarding matters of this nature.”
And Reason The Second, according to Paul Burns of the Canadian Gaming Code, which put out a report saying that DFS is essentially gambling:
“We've put it out there. Whether or not anyone chooses to do anything, it's not up to us. Frankly, no one's about to bet their career on this stuff.”
Yay convenient public service!
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Jeff Hornacek’s overnight firing in Phoenix, as first reported by Yahoo Sports' Adrian (The Reaper Of Grim) Wojnarowski, means that one-sixth of the NBA has replaced its head coach in 75 days, and four have been unseated in three weeks. True, this includes Luke Walton, who wasn’t actually demoted but returned to his proper station, but screw it. He was one thing, now he isn’t, so he counts.
In any event, at this pace, 24 coaches will be fired or otherwise reassigned before the start of next season. In San Antonio, Gregg Popovich will be told by either Craig Sager or Doris Burke, and will be so shocked that he will allow a third question.
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All-Star Game hero and savior John Scott is cashing in, thanks in large part to the bumbling of the NHL office. According to Frank Seravalli of TSN, his agent Ben Hankinson has even been approached about a movie.
“We do have a lot of different options for him to pursue, but he’s not looking to do everything there is,” Hankinson said. “He’s going to have some different routes that he can take as far as books and even a potential movie. He can take it as far as he wants to.”
In other words, “The John Scott Story,” starring Tim Robbins (who is 6-5 and has been seen playing street hockey to negate the fact that he is a quarter-century older), with Elijah Wood as Gary Bettman, Beth Behrs as his wife, Mike Emrick as Mike Emrick, Jonah Hill as Jeremy Roenick, Darryl Sutter as all his coaches and the voice of Ian McShane as the league official who used Scott’s kids as a club to shame him out of the All-Star Game.
Or they could go all animated and just get South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone – just to see how they capture that Sutter essence.
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To continue the proud tradition to whacking winning coaches, Manchester City just announced that Pep Guardiola will replace Manuel Pellegrini as its manager, while City is second in the Premiership and as well-positioned as anyone to win the title outright.
In other words, David Blatt was just on the cutting edge of the new world order.
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This, a thousand times: bit.ly/1KSCWsm.
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And finally, the Pro Bowl rating was a record low 5.0, a massive drop from last year. This is the first known evidence that there may be a God after all, at least on the sports desk. All the other stuff, like ignorance and want and injustice, that goes on unrelieved, but if the Pro Bowl can be killed, at least we have hope.
And until tomorrow, go away.