Oh, Vernon . . . so quickly does “we” turn to “they.”
“Look at the year when I started to drop off, and what happened with the team,” Davis said of his former team in Silicon Valley Wednesday, according to the Denver Post. “It started to fall off and there were so many things going on, so much turmoil. No one really excelled. No one really had success. As a team, we didn’t have success. If the team’s not having success, chances are I’m not going to have success. That’s what it is. And look at them now — they’ve only won two games. It’s hard. It’s tough to be able to play for a team where you just don’t have everything you need.”
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And now, we find out that the A’s, Giants, Sharks, Warriors, Kings and Earthquakes hate America.
According to a report from Arizona senators Jeff Flake and John McCain, 50 pro sports teams as well as NASCAR, Iron Dog and Indiana-Purdue have been paid $6.8 million by the government for patriotic displays like anthems, appearances and even scoreboard appearances.
NASCAR alone got $1.56M, and the Atlanta Falcons collected $879,000 over the last four years. Locally, the 49ers and Raiders combined to receive $330K from the state National Guard for pregame hoo-de-hahs.
The Sharks? I think they cashed $70 from the Royal Canadian Mounted Police for a cake to Joe Thornton.
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In Tennessee, the Titans got their Wilford Brimley lookalike president Steve Underwood to fire Ken Whisenhunt (3-20 in his last 23 games) and hire Mike Mularkey (3-20 in his last 23 games). I sense a rut coming on.
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Dusty Baker's contract with Washington is a 2-year, $4 million guarantee with incentives potentially worth an extra $3 million.
In other words, if he wins the World Series and makes Jonathan Papelbon and Drew Storen best friends, he can get extra cash but maybe not another year? Uggghhh.
[RELATED: Nationals hire Dusty Baker]
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Noted crap disturber and zydeco accordionist Drew Magary told the fashion fascists at GQ that it’s time for Friday night NFL football, and its best bit of wordery comes with this passage:
“So, Roger Goodell, why don’t you stop eating paste for a moment to take stock of your primetime schedule? Move your Thursday game to Friday. No one will complain. Your ratings won’t nosedive. Everything will be fine and dandy, and your players will get a whole 0.2 years added to their life expectancies. They might even make it to age 50! DARE TO DREAM. Nut up and do the right thing.”
Well, I’m convinced.
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Next, I give you this, from DCSportsBog’s Dan Steinberg, because if you don’t read it, you will feel as though your life is incomplete. And also because the idea that the Washington Football Things have a thing known in legal circles as the “Take Yo Panties Off” Defense is the perfect metaphor for Dan Snyder, the NFL, football as an industry, and the United States of America in 2015.
And most especially because of this video.
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Jim Harbaugh, Twitter’s best friend, felt compelled to send this earnest message Wednesday:
“I respectfully ask that fans conduct themselves in a 1st-class manner on social media when commenting on players, opponents & prospects.”
This is known as burning with optimism’s flame, especially for a man who thinks steak is a vitamin.
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Joey Faulkner is a British researcher and author of something called gutterstats in which he postulates with a bunch of graphs and charts and 15 years of high-falutin’ science called “statistical heaping” to suggest that NFL officials subconsciously change the outcome of a play based on where the painted lines are on a field, and subsequently shows that it doesn’t matter.
Au contraire, former colonial overlord. Millions have been won and lost in fantasy games based on such postulations, and you will burn in silicon hell for suggesting otherwise.
But this much is sure: “As sum1 said to me @ lunch in (the) observatory, ‘more people will have read that blog than anything academic you'll ever publish.’ Sad but true.’”
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And finally, the NBA office stinks in a pool of lavender water for not assigning Joey Crawford to Clippers-Warriors. How are we supposed to know how much the two teams really do hate each other if they can’t test themselves against the uberlord of order?
But no, he was in Charlotte three nights ago, and you know how hard it is to get a flight out of Charlotte to San Francisco. Only 174 since Monday night, that’s all.
Adam Silver, you cadaverous madman, a nation weeps at your imagination-challenged oversight.