In today’s episode of Short Attention Span Theatre, Jason Day has replaced Jordan Spieth as the next Rory McElroy by winning the PGA.
And Tiger Woods has become Dow Finsterwald, with all due respect to Dow Finsterwald.
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Pittsburgh Steeler hall monitor/all-around fun guy James Harrison, who never seemed like he would be that hilarious a dad, proved it with this Instagram:
“I came home to find out that my boys received two trophies for nothing, participation trophies! While I am very proud of my boys for everything they do and will encourage them till the day I die, these trophies will be given back until they EARN a real trophy. I’m sorry I’m not sorry for believing that everything in life should be earned and I’m not about to raise two boys to be men by making them believe that they are entitled to something just because they tried their best...cause sometimes your best is not enough, and that should drive you to want to do better...not cry and whine until somebody gives you something to shut u up and keep you happy. #harrisonfamilyvalues”
I could at least listen to his logic until he went all trendy and used a hashtag. Then he turned into just one more modern techno-coddler who wants to act like the callow/shallow youth of America by typing in their code. Ick.
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Sepp Blatter has surfaced, and while this is a bit of a read, at least we didn’t give it to you in the original Dutch. From Mark Misérus and Willem Feenstra of Der Volkskrant, with this teaser about his wardrobe:
“I am not an extravaganza. I don't do this work to become rich but because I believe in it. I don't even wear tailor-made suits. Okay, they are Italian, but I just buy them off the rack.”
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Because media people and fans in general worship the past in the most irrational of ways, someone felt compelled to ask Washington Football Humans general manager Scot McCloughan if, in the wake of the injury to tight end Niles Paul, well, let Mike Jones of the Washington Post tell it:
“Asked if Chris Cooley was an option, McCloughan laughed and said, ‘No.’”
Chris Cooley hasn’t played since 2012, so yes, we can infer from this that Don Warren is also unavailable.
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The latest in the Geno Smith saga is that the New York Jets had to tell him that throwing in his back yard two days after surgery was a bad idea. They stopped short of fining him for exercising, which would so completely J-E-T-S-W-T-F, but, well, you know. Let’s just this wouldn’t have happened if . . . oh, never mind. It would have happened no matter what, because as we explained, J-E-T-S-W-T-F.
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Speaking of, well, something, get a load of this from the Eagles-Colts box score:
QB | PC-PA | YDS | AVG | TD | INT | SACKS | RATING
6/12 69 5.8 0 0 3-28 67
. . . And . . .
RB | TCB | YDS | AVG | TD | LG
4 15 3.8 1 7
And you think exhibition football is worth watching because it has value. You should be appalled.
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Novak Djokovic can be stopped, as he was by Andy Murray in Rogers Cup final, but it might have been an injury in the semi that did the damage. Namely, second-hand second-day smoke.
“Someone is smoking weed, I can smell it. I’m getting dizzy” he complained to the chair while beating Jeremy Chardy Saturday. After the match, he told reporters, “Whoever it is, I hope he doesn’t come back tomorrow. He’s probably on the seventh sky somewhere.”
I suspect Murray might have been connected to this troublesome incident of the Mendocino Arugula, but hey, I don’t want to start any rumors.
Unless, of course, I do. because I'm kind of a scamp that way.
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And finally, the Giants and their notoriously shambolic pitching swept Washington, and despite their notoriously shambolic pitching have (a) used the least number of starting pitchers (7) in baseball this year and (b) fewer pitchers (18) than anyone. In other words, shambles aren’t always fully shamblized except by comparison. After all, a year ago they won a World Series with Old Hoss Radbourn and a bunch of batting tees, right?