Troy Tulowitzki is now a Toronto Blue Jay, which means three things.
One, the Blue Jays offense will go from No. 1 to No. 1.
Two, the Blue Jays pitching will not change at all.
Three, he has to pretend to like the Maple Leafs, with all the horrifying futility that implies.
But at least he'll get to go to the Olympics in five years if the town is no luckier than it is now.
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Boston has learned what so many other cities before it have learned – the Olympics are better off as someone else’s problem. Mayor Marty Walsh said Monday what the rest of us (except maybe San Francisco Olympic avatar Anne Cribbs, who presumably still thinks this bad idea is a good idea) have known for years.
That the Olympics are a gateway to civic bankruptcy and resentment that lasts for decades. In fact, as a deal it stinks so much that Los Angeles is interested in talking to the USOC about cobbling together a last-minute bid.
I rest my case.
“If committing to signing a guarantee today is what’s required to move forward, then Boston is no longer pursuing the 2024 Olympic and Paralympic Games,” Walsh said, an indication that he couldn’t (and shouldn’t) swallow the requirement that the host city would have to guarantee covering the cost of any shortfalls.
In other words, Boston could be Sochi, but why the hell would it want to? And how long will it take for Toronto, Budapest, Rome, Paris and Hamburg to figure it out as well?
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CSN New England’s imbedded (read: imprisoned without possibility of parole) Patriots reporter Tom Curran had this to say about Tom Brady:
“His allegiance to his coaches and teammates won’t waver in the wake of this and I have no doubt he will always be immensely grateful for the sport of professional football.
"But the governing body? The NFL? This ‘shield’ that has hiding behind it so many ego-driven, hypocritical, vindictive, double-talking, shameless, save-your-own-butt, what-will-the-neighbors-think frauds drawing millions thanks to the work of players like Brady? Ask yourself, would you lift a finger or utter a syllable voluntarily that the league or “the 32” can benefit from?"
“Yeah, me neither."
“But this is where Brady is a little different. He wants nothing more than to play football. It is -- along with his family -- his raison d’etre. So while he might consider the appeal of telling the NFL to screw, Brady looks at what the NFL can do to him. Specifically, take football away before he’s done with it.”
"’What-will-the-neighbors-think’ frauds?” Gee, someone woke up on the wrong side of the roach trap, didn’t he?
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Meanwhile in Phoenix, Cardinals coach Bruce Arians made Jen Welter the most important woman in North American professional sports by making her a training camp assistant coach/intern.
She is the most important because she is the second one, after San Antonio Spurs assistant Becky Hammon. The second means you’re serious, and though Gregg Popovich was serious as well when he promoted Hammon, now the idea of women coaching men is, well, sneaking up on commonplace. And that’s the day right-thinking people are actually thinking about – when it stops being noteworthy.
For now, good on Welter for working with defensive lineman, though the salute from one AFC player through Bleacher Report’s Mike Freeman – “I don't care if she has breasts or a penis as long as she can coach. That's all that matters” – doesn’t seem like a standard most coaches are held to yet.
[RELATED: Cardinals hire NFL's first female coach]
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Christian Martinoli is a Mexican TV journalist who has gotten on the wrong side of the national soccer team and its flinty coach, Miguel Herrera, claims to have been punched at the Philadelphia airport after Mexico’s Gold Cup victory and also claimed, “In the security line he threatened me, challenged me to death several times and said, ‘This is how it will be every time I see you.’”
Somewhere Jim Tomsula probably wishes he wasn’t so inherently pleasant.
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Wonder what Gilbert Arenas is doing now? How’s this for a hint (apologies for the hashtags)?
Let me know the next time you wonder what Gilbert Arenas is doing.
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And speaking of things I didn’t really need to know, Nick Saban announced in a speech to his players the one woman with whom he would cheat on his wife. “Ultimately, you never want to sleep with anybody who has less to lose than you do,” he said, “so ultimately if I’m ever going to sleep around on Miss Terry it’s going to be with Hilary Rodham ------ Clinton.” The player who told the story in the Saban biography said that it got great laughs from the players, “and was actually a great lesson.”
Uhh, what part? The part where he actually tests the love of his statewide constituency in the place it is most likely to rebel – that is, after losing 57-0 to Auburn?
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And finally, I was told the market for Cole Hamels would go crazy after his no-hitter Saturday because a no-hitter is so very important to a man’s value. Turns out I – well, you – were lied to. Again. Like usual. Hah!