To begin with, the FIFA investigation into FIFA’s dealings with Qatar over the 2022 FIFA World Cup is in. The man who did the investigation called the summary of the report (which we can’t see) a fraud, a whitewash and pack of lies.
The real story here, though, is FIFA’s response to the charges, issued from the headquarters in Switzerland, first in the official French:
"Hé Roger Goodell, voici comment vous exécutez une escroquerie bon dans une kleptocratie, vous pleurnicher léger. Sincèrement et dérision, Blatter. "
(“Hey Roger Goodell, this is how you run a proper swindle in a kleptocracy, you sniveling lightweight. Sincerely and derisively, Blatter.”)
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And the NCAA co-opting Louis Freeh’s investigation of Penn State FOR PENN STATE? Pretty impressive, too. The NCAA is now entering into a pilot program with FIFA to exchange administrators to improve on their brazenness.
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Jose Canseco took to Twitter to say, among other things, “Comet Transport is the key to our survival.” He tweeted other things along this line, but as it turns out, all known scientists, from Neil DeGrasse Tyson to Lucianne Walkowicz to Michio Kaku to Morgan Freeman (yeah yeah, I know) all shook their heads and said as one, “This is the kind of tinfoil roof stuff that kills funding for science –- just when we thought Jim Parsons would be our salvation.”
Hey, kids, you can’t beat Jose Canseco, you can only hope to contain him.
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On the other hand, the Miami Marlins are talking with Giancarlo Stanton about a 10-year, $300 million contract, according to Fox reporter and parlor room bric a brac Ken Rosenthal, which tells us two things:
1. We are about to find how much it takes to buy the end of Stanton’s disgust.
2. Don’t even try to complain about the $100 million for Pablo Sandoval.
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Adam Silver may not be the players’ friend (he is already swords-and-shields with NBAPA head Michele Roberts), but he loves him some betting action, to wit, this:
The highlight from his piece in The New York Times?
“Outside of the United States, sports betting and other forms of gambling are popular, widely legal and subject to regulation. In England, for example, a sports bet can be placed on a smartphone, at a stadium kiosk or even using a television remote control.
“In light of these domestic and global trends, the laws on sports betting should be changed. Congress should adopt a federal framework that allows states to authorize betting on professional sports, subject to strict regulatory requirements and technological safeguards. These requirements would include: mandatory monitoring and reporting of unusual betting-line movements; a licensing protocol to ensure betting operators are legitimate; minimum-age verification measures; geo-blocking technology to ensure betting is available only where it is legal; mechanisms to identify and exclude people with gambling problems; and education about responsible gaming.
“Without a comprehensive federal solution, state measures such as New Jersey’s recent initiative will be both unlawful and bad public policy.”
Now get out there and bet some totals, damn you! America demands it.
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And finally, Andre Drummond of the Pistons and Paul Millsap of the Hawks had their names misspelled on their uniforms this week, unfortunate and coincidental errors that should not affect Warriors star Stephen M5*Xt+#$yP@%&lZk.