The Pythagorean Theorem (the one by Bill James, not that candypants math geek Pythagoras) is taking a bit of a pounding this year, and this saddens me as it ranked among the metrics that non-math-based baseball fans could embrace without sweating.
For instance, here’s what the playoffs would look like if the season ended on a parallel universe known as OnAPaceFor on September 17:
Houston 84-62 - 9.5
Kansas City 80-65 -13
New York 80-65 -13
Baltimore 75-70 -18
Texas, currently leading the AL West, would be tied for ninth, and more hilarious, Oakland would be eighth, only 3 ½ games behind Baltimore, instead of 15th, 15 back. Toronto and Oakland are the outliers, losing 10 more games than they should based on their run differentials, a tribute to their hideous records in one-run games. As an added bit of fun, name the two teams’ closers without looking.
St. Louis 87-58
San Francisco 82-64 – 6.5
New York 81-65 -7.5
Pittsburgh 83-62 – 5
Los Angeles 82-63
The Giants are the team underachieving the most based on the theory, but more damaging, the battle with Dodgers, a pipe dream now, would be spectacular, and so would the Mets-Nationals’ fight for the Eastern title. The Cubs would be watching, and Philadelphia and Atlanta would be a lot closer to 100 losses than they are now.
By the way, the Giants and A’s have combined this year to go 32-56 in one-run games. That’s the equivalent of going 59-103 –- the worst record by an A’s team since 1979 and the Giants since 1943.
Ladies and jellyspoons, start your bitching.
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Michele Roberts, the chief taker of name and kicker of arse for the NBA Players Association, was asked by journalist Christine Brennan the relatively mainstream question, “How does your gender affect your job -- a job (for which) admittedly no other women applied."
The answer was instructive: “Being a woman is a bigger deal for men than it is for me. It's like when my cat sees something he’s not quite sure of.”
I’m not sure what she was implying by her choice of simile, but I like it. A lot. She has heat vision.
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Patrick Kane, the Chicago Blackhawks' megastar under investigation for sexual assault, has been green-lighted to join his teammates at training camp. And you might ask, thinking about the 49ers and their own floating talent-tolerance scale, why this is being allowed?
Because Patrick Kane is the Chicago Blackhawks' megastar.
What makes it worse, though, was his press conference, in which he said, “While I have too much respect for the legal process to comment on an ongoing matter, I am confident that once all the facts are brought to light, I will be absolved (of any wrongdoing).”
He will be absolved. Not found not to have done it. Absolved. Ick.
Oh, and where else have you heard this sentence, delivered this time by Blackhawks president John McDonough?
“Based on our discussions with his legal representatives who are very close to this matter we have decided to have Patrick join us for training camp here at the University of Notre Dame. Furthermore, we have the utmost respect for the legal process and will have no further comment on this issue at this time.”
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And finally, since we hate the 49ers' alternate uniforms, it is only fair that we acknowledge ones properly done, to wit: the New Orleans Pelicans. In fact, these should be their regular uniforms, and the ones they currently wear should be their alternates. Very few alternate uniforms ever get promoted to first-team uniforms, so this is a statement.
Then again, so is this, from the Houston Rockets -– three different alternate uniforms to go with the alternate uniform and the perfectly good regular uniform they already have. The statement? Five uniforms is overkill.