Here’s what we know about the Frank Gore-Colin Kaepernick Huddle Leadership flap-de-doodle:
1. Apparently nobody ever spoke in the 49er huddle until Jim Harbaugh sent the play in from Mount Olympus.
2. Apparently Gore and Kaepernick aren’t as close as they once were.
3. Looks like Kaepernick is about to spend a lot more time with Twitter Therapy.
4. Training camp is utter, complete and thoroughgoing nonsense.
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We’re not sure which deal put them over the top, but the Los Angeles Dodgers are now the first team in North American (and for all we know, global) sports with a payroll that exceeds $300 million. The proof, via Eric Stephen of SB Nation, has them currently at $300,915,076, and there’s still the second trade deadline to consider in case they want to scoop up Alex Rodriguez.
Put another way, the Giants and A’s are still Pablo Sandoval and Cole Hamels away from meeting that number.
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So the Baltimore Ravens deny they were involved with Ballghazi, and everyone else is trying to hide from this fetid sewage plant like it’s about to blow and take out the mansions at the top of the hill.
Perfect. Now let’s blame John Calipari and everyone can be happy.
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Evidently the Los Angeles astronomer/neurosurgeon/Kardashiwannabe V. Stiviano is the most expensive beekeeper impersonator ever. Either that, or Shelly Sterling just put a Dodger-sized price tag on the vengeance of the cuckquean (female cuckold, in case you didn’t download the dictionary).
Shelly has refused to distribute her husband’s share of the record $2-billion sale of the Clippers, which we have learned from his divorce papers. Half of the amount is in an escrow account controlled by the NBA pending the outcome of Donald Sterling’s federal lawsuit against her and the league.
Don accused Shelly of conspiring with the league to sell the Clippers against his wishes, and that she “fraudulently induced” and “fraudulently arranged” for the doctors to examine the orbiting Don last year.
On the other hand, he was running around with a woman who wears a welder’s helmet and calls it fashion, for God’s sake. Doctors were clearly indicated.
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If you’re thinking the 49ers are screwed beyond playing on a gravel pit, calm yourself a bit. Grantland’s football brainiac and warlock Bill Barnwell examined three years of the Arizona Cardinals and came to this conclusion (and we know it’s a conclusion because it’s the last line of the 3,570-word opusette):
“It’s not hard to imagine the Cardinals being good. It’s just hard to imagine them being as lucky.”
Hope spring eternal then, even to the agronomically challenged.
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And now, hooligans, or as the Germans might call them, lager louts.
A Munich judge went all legal/creative on two nitwit 1860 Munich fans, giving them a choice between 15 months in the old Gefängnis (prison) and a trip to the team shop of rival Bayern Munich as punishment for attacking a Bayern fan without provocation.
Karin Jung, the Richter Judy in the case, ordered the two 1860 fans to either buy $550 of Bayern club merchandise for the fan they attacked or spend 15 months in jail. The morons . . . er, defendants, who reportedly ripped the jacket, shirt and hat of the Bayern fan when they jumped him last year, decided to go shopping, and turn over the goods in court.
Then she told them to spell Borussia Moenchengladbach while drunk, with a kick in the goolies for every incorrect letter. Or she should have.
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And finally, if you need to beat a rap in court from now on, your way out of the pooch hut is easy. Countersue the state, and throw in the NFL as a co-defendant. Even if they catch you naked, drunk and cursing like a sailor with Tourette’s while waving a pistol and wheeling the victim’s piano down the street, by the end of discovery and the Goodell deposition, you’ll not only be acquitted, but get an NEA grant, an honorary law degree, a Booker prize and the use of Nancy Grace as a weekend gardener as a bonus.
If that’s your idea of justice. And these days, why the hell wouldn't it be?