The offseason ended on Friday morning for some NBA teams, and will end for others on Monday. The death of the offseason means the epilogue for the 2014 Friday Five.
Please, don't bother pretending to shed a tear.
Here it is, the final installment of our weekly drive-by of all things Warriors and NBA and, well, anything related to pro hoops anywhere on the globe.
1) LeBron adds while subtracting
In his never-ending quest for improvement that makes a physical statement, LeBron James apparently spent the summer losing a few pounds ... gaining a brand new hairline. That's the word, based on photos and multiple reports.
By the way, the official world premiere of his hairline will have to wait. At Cavs media day on Friday, he wore a massive headband.
We have to assume the hairline was the easy part. Check into a hair factory with a nine-inch forehead, and check out with a hairline four inches above the eyebrows.
More difficult, and infinitely less subject to ridicule, was the leaning of LeBron. Thanks to a variation of the popular Paleo Diet, he says he's down to about 250.
"I had no sugars, no dairy; I had no carbs," James told reporters. "All I ate was meat, fish, veggies and fruit. That's it, for 67 straight days.
Instagram photos revealed a salad with mixed greens and grilled chicken and another with lobster. Mango, added to both, evidently was a popular fruit choice.
Give it up for LeBron. After all, a hairier new top deserves a sleeker body below.
2) Toilet bowl? Really?
We have only one comment about the drawings of the Warriors proposed arena in San Francisco: Next time, avoid the overhead views.
3) How to win friends and influence people, by Derrick Rose
The dynamic Chicago Bulls point guard, so star-crossed of late, showed very well during the FIBA World Cup of hoops. He was productive and he emerged healthy.
That apparently, and delightfully, was not good enough to satisfy Rose.
He dug into his pocket, found $1 million, and dropped it on After School Matters, a Chicago charity program that arranges apprenticeships for teens, with particular emphasis on the underprivileged.
"To have a strong community of people who believe in your potential can make all the difference in the world," Rose said in a statement. "So many people have invested in men and I want to do the same for Chicago's teens."
Rose is coming off a torn meniscus sustained last season, after tearing his ACL the previous season. What a beautiful way to curse the fates.
4) Jeff Van Gundy on Stan Van Gundy
The Warriors considered Stan Van Gundy as a possible replacement for Mark Jackson. They even interviewed the former Magic coach.
Stan opted for the Pistons job, surely because Detroit gave him broader authority than he ever would have gotten with the Warriors.
But Stan's teams are going to stink from Missouri to central Canada, according to his younger brother, Jeff Van Gundy.
In an interview with SiriusXM NBA Radio, Jeff said the Pistons stink and will continue to stink for a while. Playoffs? Playoffs? They're just trying to win a game.
Before you conclude JVG is lowering the bar for his brother, take a look at the Pistons roster. Smell its pungency. OK, now, admit it: JVG is not throwing shade on his brother's ability. He is, as usual, being unflinchingly honest.
5) Old Warriors draft picks simply won't go away
The Kings, always on the prowl for talent, recently worked out a 6-foot-6 athlete who arrived in America as "the Michael Jordan of France."
And you thought Mickael Pietrus had faded into the Parisian background.
Personally, I like MP. He's funny, though not always intentionally. He's a terrific athlete, though rarely productive. He's a cool guy, nearly as cool as he thinks he is.
One NBA executive, who asked for anonymity, told the Cleveland Plain Dealer, that he was impressed after observing a Pietrus workout.
"You can tell right away that he can still be a productive player," the executive said. "His movements are crisp and the athleticism is there. It's all about finding the right fit for him, but he definitely belongs in the NBA."
MP's Warriors career lasted 310 games. The promise of production and highlights always exceeded actual P&H.
Still, we love the idea of Pietrus soaring toward the rim, even if he clanks the dunk.