As we suspected, David Shaw was just screwing with us in Week 1, and if he denies it, he tells a lie.
This, and other cheery libels, in this weeks’ Top 25, More Or Less, brought to you by a drunk.
1. MISSISSIPPI (3-0/3-0 – yes, because covering matters): Making Nick Saban sad is its own reward, and its joys will last a lifetime. Even in Mississippi.
2. NORTHWESTERN (3-0/3-0): Maybe we were wrong about them. In fact, we apparently WERE wrong about them. That in and of itself is something.
3. STANFORD (2-1/2-1): Points for making a popular favorite’s road to the Final Four more difficult. WTF for scoring 35 more points against Northwestern in doing it.
4. ANTHONY MARCIAL (3 goals this week): The most expensive teenager on the history of team sports has already won over Manchester United, and if anything made manager Louis (The Crackpot Quail) Van Gall more smug than before.
5. KLIFF KINGSBURY (3-0/2-0-1): Ripping Arkansas coach Bret Bielelma a new one after beating him is what we want in our coaches, so here it is:
“He stood up (in a convention of Texas high school coaches) and said if you don't throw to the fullback, we'll kick your ass, and if you throw it 70 times a game, we'll kick your ass." Well, he just got his ass kicked twice in a row and probably next week by A&M as well. “That did feel good.”
6. CENTRAL MICHIGAN (1-2/3-0): If covering matters, covering matters.
7. NEW MEXICO STATE (0-3/0-3/3-0): And covering matters even if all you do is bet totals.
8. CAL (3-0/2-1): Overcame the boost Texas must have gotten by firing /athletic director/people non-person Steve Patterson to beat the Longhorns in Austin.
9. CAL DOING IT IN THE MOST PERFECTLY CAL WAY: Nearly blowing a three-touchdown lead in the fourth quarter and winning only because Texas’ kicker missed an extra point on the potential game-tying touchdown. Oh, and here’s to Cal announcer and institution Joe Starkey still treating the score like it’s classified information.
10. FINLANDIA (0-3/no betting, but that will change): Lost to its first ranked team, Wisconsin-Oshkosh, 86-0, and has a point differential after its first three games of minus-192.
11. DIEGO COSTA (Chelsea): What a contemptible weasel.
12. MICHIGAN STATE (3-0/0-3): Winning thrice and covering none-ce is quite a feat. See Missouri (25) for the only thing worse.
13. GREYSON LAMBERT (24-25-330-3TD-97.8 rating): The Georgia quarterback threw one incompletion, to tight end Jed Blazevich, and that was on purpose because he was covered too well in the end zone. I already hate this guy.
14. NORTHERN ILLINOIS (2-1/3-0): Ohio State gets credit for scheduling such a tough out. But life is cruel and then you get your hip replaced.
15. KENNESAW STATE (3-0): Owls all day. Especially now that Temple struggled to beat Massachusetts, which is kind of ick.
[RELATED: Stanford upsets No. 6 USC in Coliseum]
16. CLAUDIO RANIERI (3-0-3): Promised his Leicester City players pizza if they shut out Stoke City. A 2-2 draw later, the players ended up with juice boxes and fruit roll-ups like always. This is how coaches get fired.
17. THE LOS ANGELES ANGELS OF ANAHEIM AND ALL THE SHIPS AT SEA: They’re going to knock the Houston Astros out of the playoffs. Well, actually, the Astros are going to knock the Astros out of the playoffs, but that’s largely a semantic point.
18. MATT CLEARY (1-0): The Australian who live-blogged Jarryd Hayne’s first game reprised his effort Sunday for readers of The Guardian across the globe. First time was better, but he still beats most broadcasters who would never say “The former Parramatta Eel man,” or describing the prime minister of Australia as “thicker than the Beijing phone book.”
19. THE GUY WHO WALKED ON THE TRACK AT THE SINGAPORE GRAND PRIX: At least he didn’t take the dog.
20. FLORIDA STATE (3-0/2-1): Hard on the eyes. Very hard on the eyes.
21. OKLAHOMA (3-0/2-1): Bob Stoops has gone three weeks without being annoying.
22. ALBION (3-0): Average score – 57-41. Bet the over, forever.
23. ALABAMA AND AUBURN (2-1/1-2 and 2-1/0-3): They have the same record. Life will be hell this week.
24. FLORIDA (3-09/2-1): Screamin’ Jim McIlwain hasn’t lost the team yet, so that’s something.
25. MISSOURI (3-0/0-3/0-3): Latest accomplishment -– scoring nine against Connecticut and still winning. Feh.