There were 1,504 points worth of points given this past weekend, and favorites were a mediocre (for Week 2 of a college season) 40-29-2, including a few outstanding losses, including our personal favorite, Southern Mississippi beating Savannah State, 56-0, but giving 56½ -- a great hook by any standard.
But The Real Top 25 isn’t limited to mere college footballer, as you know, so let’s get down to slanders, especially in this NFL weekend.
1. ALABAMA (2-0, 1-0-1): Pushing against Western Kentucky is probably not so much as of blemish to Nick Saban, but who the hell asked him?
2. FLORIDA STATE (2-0, 2-0): Up next: At Louisville. Sick of the hype?
3. LOUISVILLE (2-0, 2-0): Up next: Florida State. Sick of the hype now?
4. OHIO STATE (2-0, 2-0): Trying to catch Oklahoma emotionally flat after the Sooners edged Louisiana-Monroe 59-17.
5. SANTIAGO CASILLA (2-4, 31-8): Giant fans hate him to the depths of their pickled marrows, but he still has been unable to catch Chicago’s Nate Jones, who continues to own the blown saves category for a team that is far worse than San Francisco. Yay moronic stats! Yay irrational rage! Yay your favorite team!
6. CINCINNATI BENGALS (1-0, 0-0-1) and NEW YORK GIANTS (1-0, 0-0-1): The first push of the year is always like opening your first present on Christmas morning, and finding out that Grandma and Grandpa inadvertently wrapped hospital pajamas instead of that Pokemon snuggie they thought you’d like –- even though your 37 and wanted a pony.
7. BILLY BUTLER (you don’t want to know, honestly): The A’s admit a mistake on the NFL’s opening Sunday -– and who says they don’t understand promotion?
8. BIG 12/MAC and REPLAY CREWS: Suspended after turning the end of the Central Michigan-Oklahoma State game into a complete Lucy skit.
9. JACK DEL RIO (1-0, 1-0): Goes for the win on the road, which you’re supposed to do as a coach. Gets the win, which Raider teams typically don’t. Punked ESPN for pointing out that going for two in that situation was contraindicated, which Raider coaches have never done.
10. BRISTOL MOTOR SPEEDWAY (1-0): After hosting 150,000 for Tennessee-Virginia Tech, plans to hold a game next year while simultaneously running a NASCAR race, just to see how close a game can come to a fiery wreck in Turn 2.
11. DARLINGTON MOTOR SPEEDWAY: The traditionally small track plays to have North Carolina play East Carolina on a 70-yard field.
12. BERNARD SCHIRMER (0-1 arrest record, as far as we know): The player for Mt. San Antonio JC celebrated his team’s loss to Ventura by coldcocking the referee, and was, in fact, arrested. In doing so, he easily beat USC’s CHUMA EDOGA, who was ejected 90 seconds into the Trojans-Utah State game for shoving an official.
13. ARIZONA (1-1, 0-2): Had to rally desperately to beat Grambling State, a quality 1-AA team but still not good enough to convince Bear Down fans that Rich Rodriguez shouldn’t be extradited to Arizona State.
14. BAYLOR (2-0, 1-1): Leads the nation in penalties after two weeks, and there’s a lesson in that for all of us.
15. SAN DIEGO CHARGERS (0-1, 1-0): Blew a comfortable lead to lose in overtime, thus further enhancing their arguments for that November stadium ballot initiative.
16. ANGELIQUE KERBER (2-0): The new No. 1 in women’s tennis, which should lead to lot of debates among casual fans around the central topic, “Serena Williams is No. 1, right?”
17. SAVANNAH STATE (0-2, 2-0): Lost in successive weeks to Georgia Southern, 54-0, and then Southern Miss, 56-0. AND COVERED BOTH TIMES!
18. THE MEAC IN GENERAL (ick): Other than power North Carolina A&T, they have won one of 19 games and been outscored by an aggregate of 911-224, an average per-game defeat of 47-11.
19. FORDHAM (1-1, 0-1): Rallied from a not-close loss to Navy in Week 1 by making sure they didn’t overlook Elizabeth City State.
20. UNIVERSITY OF MARY (0-2, uncharted): After two weeks, still seeking that elusive first point.
21. OREGON (2-0, 0-2): Can’t cover against UC Davis, can’t cover against Virginia. If Mark Helfrich doesn’t cover at Nebraska next week, expect his name to crop up as the next coach at Oregon State.
22. PNEUMONIA (no record): Spelling isn’t as easy as it looks, apparently.
23. TERRANCE WILLIAMS (0-1): Getting out of bounds isn't as easy as it looks, apparently.
24. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (1-0, 0-1): Covering a big number isn’t as easy as it looks, apparently.
25. STANFORD (1-0, 1-0): Played nobody. Did nothing. Took the weekend off. Not running into people at high rates of speed a lot of times IS as easy as it looks, apparently.
And until next week, go away.
