Jim Harbaugh, whose few forays into cultural references are usually very dated (presumably because he long ago stopped watching any non-football television) just put shock paddles on Judge Judy’s level of notoriety. Yes, she’s been on TV forever, but long ago stopped getting people to notice anything she actually did or said.
Thus, we introduce Harbaugh Bingo (as opposed to the Harbaugh Drinking Game, which is a lot like it but doesn’t require 25 shots to play). We present a list of cultural touchstones he might remember for you to check off as the season progresses, and the first one to win some sort of mythical prize package.
Gilligan’s Island (including any reference to show characters or plots).
Any reference to The Hooterville Triumvirate (The Beverly Hillbillies, Petticoat Junction or Green Acres, though Green Acres might have been too subversive for the Harbaughian sensibilities).
Dead Poets Society.
The Cosby Show.
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.
Walter Cronkite/Peter Jennings/John Chancellor/Network News.
A Nightmare On Elm Street.
Indiana Jones And The Whoozis Of Whatsis.
The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat.
Make That Spare.
Mystery Science Theatre 3000.
Any of the Karate Kids.
Back To The Future.
Okay, we lied about Mystery Science Theatre 3000. There’s no chance he ever watched that.
X X X
Isn’t it remarkable how quickly people leapt to the length of the suspensions Major League Baseball plans to hand out from the Biogenesis case – the one where they bought the information solely so they could use it as proof of PED use and squeezed the Biogenesis owner until he turned state’s evidence to try to avoid actual prosecution – but nobody talked about how hard this would be to pass an arbitrator’s muster?
Yes. It is remarkable. Yes it certainly is.
X X X
Raider fans have had to lay low for awhile, as nothing stifles good smack quite like being 4-12. But surely they got a collective devilish smile when Bill Callahan announced he would be the Dallas Cowboys’ offensive playcaller in 2013, replacing head coach Jason Garrett as lead headset.
Yes, Callahan announced it, rather than owner Jerry Jones, or Garrett (who wouldn’t confirm anything because he said there was no advantage to doing so), or Michael Irvin or any other members of the Cowboy family.
In short, public relations protocols are not being followed, the sheep are bossing the shepherd, and nobody can see anything for all the chaos. In short, the standard Cowboy operating standard.
And Raider fans get to smile because they now have a new non-rooting interest in the league to go with Denver, Kansas City, San Diego and San Francisco. They remember Callahan at his lowest ebb – as in when he jumpstarted the Lost Decade in Oakland.
X X X
Oh, and we forgot Chicago, which is bringing JaMarcus Russell in for a workout Friday. It isn’t likely to result in anything, but Raider fans will happily extend their halo of hatred for a few days. After all, man does not live by sketchy updates from OTAs alone.
X X X
Ohio State president and malaprop factory Gordon Gee announced he is retiring July 1. On behalf of the part of our nation that enjoyed a good loafer forcibly wedged into an open yap, we weep.
X X X
Masai Ujiri, the man who rebuilt the Denver Nuggets and who is now in charge of the Toronto Raptors, has already started cleaning house on the basketball side with a scythe and gelignite whoopee cushions. His boss, Tim Leiweke, came from the Los Angeles AEG empire and is considering blowing up the uniforms, the team colors, maybe even the name itself. The Raptors may not be the Raptors in a couple of years’ time, and of course impromptu contests are already being run to redesign everything Raptoric.
Well, if they’re looking for help, here’s a name that isn’t going to be used any time soon: Seattle Supersonics.
X X X
And finally, rumors abound that Brian Shaw is going to get the Los Angeles Clippers job after so many interviews for other vacancies. His excitement should last until the first staff meeting about monitoring water consumption.