To begin another day on this paltry, boring, gaseous hunk of spinning rock, we present this, from Cathal Kelly of the Toronto Globe And Mail, without comment, assert or rebuttal, for you to chew on as you wish.
Think of it as a free appetizer for the enormous vats of hell that are about to ensue.
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In other hockey news, the Florida Panthers are not a playoff team today because they keep jerking part-time emergency backup goalie Robbie Tallas up and down without giving him a real chance to earn the job.
Tuesday night was the latest example of this, and though many folks were quite amused by the notion of the Panthers losing both their regular goalies in the same game, I bring you the bigger picture at the regular prices, and I see a goalie coach having his delayed dreams crushed, from George Richards of the Miami Herald.
In other words, Free Robbie Tallas. I’d hashtag it, but I’m not 12 years old, even though I do have a Hello Kitty phone case.
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Sarah Kogod of SB Nation is doing an advice column, which sounds way worse than it actually is because she actually provides useful answers to vexing questions, and goes to the experts when she can’t fake a response herself. For example:
“I'm a male. Should I go tan before my spring break here in two weeks? I go to Indiana University so I'm pretty pale. Yay or nay?”
I asked Houston Rockets guard Nick Johnson to answer this one.
“Well, you first went wrong by going to Indiana. I went to Arizona where there's sunshine all around. You walk to class in shorts, t-shirt, tank top or whatever. That's how you get your tan. But the tanning bed is no. That's not cool. You're just gonna have to be pasty. Or, if you're going to Florida or Cancun or whatever, get there a day early and spend some time in the sun. Just don't get burnt. That's worse than being pale. That's really bad.”
Now that, boys, girls and undecideds, is news you can use.
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Yesterday we told you that a lot of the facilities at Wrigley Field aren’t ready yet, including many of the bathrooms, which led to some consternation among Cub fans about how to, well, fill the time between half-innings.
But they shouldn’t feel bad. Sherpas are complaining that climbers of Mt. Everest are leaving their, well, leavings behind and causing a biohazard. In other words, Cubs fans are not outside the, uhh, mainstream.
Although, and let’s be honest here, any climber who is willing drop trou and go in those conditions has bigger psychological than hygiene issues.
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Ken Korach, the Athletics’ designated larynx, will miss the first bit of spring training while his replaced knee stops copping an attitude. This of course does the A’s no good whatsoever, weakening the team as well as the booth, and frankly, it is our position that he should toughen up, play with pain and hop it off.
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This item from Dermot Corrigan of ESPN FC about Cristiano Ronaldo sending his personal stylist to Madrid’s wax museum once a month to tend to his paraffin-based doppelganger cannot possibly be true. And yet it seems to be.
And, well, why the hell wouldn’t it be? And why the hell shouldn’t Ronaldo do it? I mean, what’s a little more rampant narcissism at this point?
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And finally, here’s to whoever didn’t make the Heartland Collegiate Athletic Conference’s first team so that former Mount St. Joseph women's basketball player Lauren Hill, who became a national sensation by playing despite having an inoperable brain tumor, could be named to it. And here’s hoping that woman said to herself and anyone who asked, “It’s the greatest award I never won, and I’ve never been prouder not to get it.”
I’d like to think that, despite my long-stated position that many people ought to be licensed and/or constantly surveilled for the safety and sanity of the rest of us, said nameless woman did just that.