The Golden State Warriors are already preparing for Houston and the Rockets in the Western Conference Finals by doing the following things:
- Finding a quality restaurant and blues club that serves catfish.
- Booking tee times for Saturday at Cypresswood.
- Reminding people that winning by 9, 12, 25 and 13 points in the four games against Houston doesn’t mean anything.
- Denying they really wanted Dwight Howard when in fact he didn’t want them.
- Trying not to act like ESPN is indebted to them for ratings bonanza when in fact they are.
- Trying not to laugh when the MVP chants go up in Houston for James Harden.
- Diagramming backcourt isolations for Stephen Curry.
- Laughing over beers while Jarron Collins prepares Page 13 of the Houston scouting report – “Pablo Prigioni, Threat Or Menace?”
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In other news, the Giants have admitted to having had their hitters kidnapped and replaced this weekend in Cincinnati. As a response, Larry Baer is having The Thing On King remodeled to look more like The Great American Ballpark, starting with setting the columns that support the water cannons on fire.
[RELATED: Giants clobber ball again in win over Reds]
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Shelby Miller of Atlanta came within an out of no-hitting the Miami Marlins, which promptly led Jeff Loria to fire manager Mike Redmond after the game. This seems fair, as Redmond was a .287 hitter in his playing days, which only ended in 2010, and should have foreseen that his bat might be needed at some point in the season.
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Novak Djokovic nearly put his eye out with a champagne cork after beating Roger Federer to win the Italian Open, and worse yet, the eye was his.
Then again, nobody appreciates slapstick quite like the Italians. But for the French Open that starts next week, Djokovic will have to polish up his Jerry Lewis/Nutty Professor bit. They’re far more cerebral in Paris.
[RELATED: Djokovic beats Federer for Rome title]
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Usain Bolt is one of us all, as he told Runner’s World’s Kerry McCarthy after being asked, “How’s the diet these days?”
“I haven’t had KFC for about four months, which is killing me. I’ve tried to bribe my chef, but not only is he not bribe-able, he chases me ‘round the house and makes sure I eat what he’s cooked. He also lays out my vitamin pills and supplements in front of me so I can’t ‘forget’ to take them. I eat a lot more vegetables – and I hate them all. I used to eat them occasionally, but now with every meal I have a plate just for veg. But I can’t get away any more with just winging it. To perform how I want I have to be perfect in training, and eating right is a part of training, so down it goes. I’ve backed off hard liquor, too – rum and stuff – but I still drink Guinness, or a Heineken or two. A guy’s got to have something, right?”
Yes indeed. All you have to do is run a 9.58 100 meters and you can drink Fireball out of a policeman’s equine boot.
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Steve Kerr, who hasn’t had a technical called on him since February, may snap at some point this coming series, so he is considering taking the advice of Hamit Isik, the manager of the Turkish third division side Corum Belediyespor, who’d been banned from his team’s playoff match against Darica Genclerbirligi for doing what coaches do – whine excessively.
Because the game was also being played behind closed doors due to previous crowd disturbances, Isik hired a mobile crane to elevate him above the stadium’s perimeter wall and watched the entire game from the crane’s basket. The game ended in a goalless draw, so he is hiring an armed drone for the replay.
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And finally, the A’s and Astros are having a Turning Back The Clock night in Minute Maid Park this week. The problem, though, is that the date is May 26, 2013, when the A’s were 13 ½ games ahead of the Astros en route to the AL West title while the Astros were heading for dead last. This year, the A’s are last, 12 ½ games behind of, all people, the first-place Astros.
I think the giveaway is a bobblehead standing on its head – which I guess makes it bobblefeet.