CSN Bay Area

So, the Sacramento Kings have fired a coach, don’t like the one they replaced him with and can’t hire the one they like because the agents for center DeMarcus Cousins have issues with candidate George Karl and his people from well before they signed on with Cousins -– all information from USA Today’s Sam Amick and Yahoo’s Adrian Wojnarowski. The laugh track is locally produced.

If true, and why not, your nostalgia for the Maloofs, who mismanaged the franchise mostly because their other businesses cratered isn’t entirely misplaced. Put another way, Vivek Ranadive now knows things about how the volatility of ownership that Joe Lacob, who merely got booed off a stage while trying to honor his franchise’s favorite player and tried to build an arena in a place where he couldn’t build it, can’t even imagine. In other words, you fire a coach who seems to be working at your own peril, genius.

And if you’re still confused, just say, “Kings.” It explains so very much.

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Credit where due: Jed York might be a bit embattled these days, but he has never to our knowledge written a letter to a long-time 49er supporter quite like the one that Jimmy Dolan, the owner of the New York Knickerbockers, fired off via E-mail to this customer, who wrote (courtesy Deadspin; spelling errors as provided):

“Subject: I have been a knicks fan since 1952

“At one stage I thought that you did a wonderful thing when you acquired EVERYTHING from your dad. However, since then it has been ALL DOWN HILL. Your working with Isaiah Thomas & everything else regarding the Knicks. Bringing on Phil Jackson was a positive beginning, but lowballing Steve Kerr was a DISGRACE to the knicks. The bottom line is that you merely continued to interfere with the franchise. As a knicks fan for in excess of 60 years, I am utterly embarrassed by your dealings with the Knicks. Sell them so their fans can at least look forward to growing them in a positive direction Obviously, money IS NOT THE ONLY THING. You have done a lot of utterly STUPID business things with the franchise. Please NO MORE.

“Respectfully,(Aaron Bierman's dad)”

Now the response:

“Mr Bierman,

You are a sad person. Why would anybody write such a hateful letter. I am.just guessing but ill bet your life is a mess and you are a hateful mess. What have you done that anyone would consider positive or nice. I am betting nothing. In fact ill bet you are negative force in everyone who comes in contact with you. You most likely have made your family miserable. Alcoholic maybe. I just celebrated my 21 year anniversary of sobriety. You should try it. Maybe it will help you become a person that folks would like to have around. In the mean while start rooting.for the Nets because the Knicks don’t want you.

“Respectfully

“James Dolan”

Well, they did both say “respectfully.”

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Remember when we couldn’t decide whether it was nine or 10 NBA teams who were trying to tank the hardest? Well, it may actually be closer to zero after all, and probably because somebody noticed that this draft has no immediate serious impact players (WADR to Duke’s Jahlil Okafor, which is our disclaimer for people who want to get cranky about his skill level).

Anyway, the Philadelphias, who fought hardest for tanking rights in the offseason, have won four of their last seven, as have the Minnesotas, and even the Customer Service Dolans, have lost only five of their last 10.

Okay, there are the Lakers, who have lost 15 of the last 17 and have no more K.B. Bryant to amuse us, and Orlando has lost 17 of 20 and just fired coach Jacque Vaughn. But don’t include the Kings here. They’re actually trying to FIX themselves and still are 5-22.

And again we say, “Kings.”

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Sharks defenseman Marc-Edouard Vlasic said he missed Saturday night’s pantsing at the hands at the mostly brutal Carolina Hurricanes because of “a cold.” Sunday he was placed on injured reserve. In other words, what we have here officially is an “upper body injury linked to killer phlegm.”

Boys, we don’t mind that you lie about injuries because your players are occasionally borderline psychopaths who would try to injure already-injured players. But you have to be able to lie better than that. You just have to. Children are watching.

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Happy times in Ottawa as well, where goaltender Robin Lehner is enjoying a not-so-magnificent season, like most of his teammates. But he did find a hobby thanks to his teammate Marc Methot -– keeping piranha. From The Hockey News:

“(Lehner) is a colorful, emotional personality who typically isn’t afraid to speak his mind to the media. He’s also known to have a temper and maybe, just maybe, the pressure of playing more this season and struggling . . . has made him a bit sick of reporters. It makes sense, then, that Lehner named his five pet piranha after Sens beat writers: Don Brennan, Bruce Garrioch, Sylvain St-Laurent, Ken Warren and…a fifth piranha that died, according to Lehner.”

Flesh-eating typists. Sure. Why not? Me, I'd prefer being a rabid wolverine, but I don't like the water.

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But we don’t want to leave you hating the day already –- that’ll come soon enough. From BBC Radio, a parish priest in Farmingdale, N.Y., was suddenly inundated with a raft of congratulatory tweets for moving from modest Northern Ireland club Derry City to Scottish soccer power Glasgow Celtic.

Michael Duffy, a 20-year-old striker who is not associate pastor at St. Kilian’s Church, struck it rich-ish, so the other Michael Duffy, whose Twitter handle is an underscore different than the original Duffy.

“I started receiving congratulations messages from people in Ireland. I was looking at their names and thought, my goodness, I don’t know who these people are and why they’re congratulating me,” Father Mike told the BBC. “I finally found out that the other Michael Duffy signed with the Celtics (yep, a priest would make that kind of mistake). I only watch soccer if it happens to be at the World Cup or if someone else is watching it.”

If the younger Duffy fails, you know of course that the priest is about to hear from a lot of very angry parishioners 3,240 miles away. Nice reach, Mikey.

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And finally, DAMIAN LILLARD HAS BEEN FREED! Once again, the All-Star Game cures all ills by using attrition to eliminate the need for “snub” stories.