It’s an excellent day for denying scurrilous rumors, from Tiger Woods and the PGA (denying PGA Tour member Dan Olsen’s on-air claim, which he has now downgraded to an “opinion,” that he was suspended for failing a drug test) and Joffrey Lupul of the Toronto Maple Leafs (angry at a viewer tweet that made it onto TSN Trade Deadline coverage claiming that Lupul was sleeping with Elisha Cuthbert, teammate Dion Phaneuf’s wife).
Don’t you just wish the morons wore a sign when they walked so you could spot them without having to even passively interact with them? But if you did that, the staff meeting as we know it would die.
X X X
The NFL’s latest example of how its target audience bleats and makes wool is with the release of its 2015 cap, franchise and transitional numbers, as well as its five franchise players, including New England kicker Stephen Gostkowski.
If you want this news to be important to you, fine. It’s your life, such as it is. Just know that you are wrong, and it is utter and complete nonsense, and knowing, let alone caring about these things actually does make you a worse human being.
X X X
Anyone know when Ronda Rousey’s next 14 Seconds Of Hell promotion is scheduled?
X X X
Pacific 12 commissioner Larry Scott said Monday of his conference’s football title game in Santa Clara, “(Levi’s) stadium was not full and we won’t be satisfied until it is.”
He also said he wouldn’t be satisfied until he was crowned Queen of the Netherlands, so take his football discussion with a metric ton of salt.
X X X
They apparently do not grade on a curve at Real Madrid, where having a head with ears that look like a cab with the doors open is regarded as a greater detriment that ball skills of soccer aptitude. Fortunately for Real Madrid, other rich teams aren’t so aesthetically picky.
Thus, we give you Angel DiMaria, who was sold to Manchester United this summer for $91.7 million. According to Barcelona’s new sporting director Carles Rexach, courtesy Regio7, Di Maria just wasn’t pretty enough to play for Real and was sold to bring in some better-looking replacements.
“(Real Madrid president) Florentino Perez looks at the world market and wants a team of Galacticos for everyone to admire. Do you understand what I mean? Ronaldo is the flagship of the club. Perez is selling an international brand. (People like national team coach) Vicente del Bosque and Di Maria are too ugly for Real Madrid.”
In American football, on the other hand, you don’t have to be pretty – as long as you look like money.
X X X
So that Alex Stalock-for-Sidney Crosby deal crapped out, I see. Oh, well. One more reason to hate the Sharks, I suppose.
X X X
Michael Jordan is now an official billionaire according to the annual Forbes guesstimators, and as such ranks 1,741st in the world. Thus, he spent Monday night rooting for Golden State to beat Brooklyn over a gentle yet insouciant $70,000 bottle of miscellaneous somewhat.
But he’s still a hair behind the richest sports owner of all, Larry Ellison, who dabbles in yachts and things and has $54.3 billion to blow on his hobbies. He is followed by Winnipeg Jets owner David Thomson ($25.5B), and as we work our way down, we see Sharks’ owner Hasso Plattner ($9.1B), Giants’ owner Charlie Johnson ($6.6B), A’s owner John Fisher ($2.9B), Stanford sugar daddy John Arrillaga ($2.3B), and for you nostalgia fans, Eddie DeBartolo The Younger ($3.5B).
The York family didn’t make the cut, and Mark Davis didn’t come close, although his new business partner Alex Spanos ($1.3B) did.
X X X
Brazilian soccer club Rio Claro has taken uniform monetization to the next logical step – creative butt marketing.
Rio Claro signed an endorsement deal with the Brazilian satirical comedy YouTube channel Porta dos Fundos, and the place where the endorsement rests is across the back of the players’ shorts. And, in case you skipped Portuguese class that day, “Porta dos Fundos” translates as “back door”.
Of course it does.
X X X
And finally, here’s to the 49ers, who according to their team museum managed to win 49 games in the last four years with no coach whatsoever. No NFL team has ever played a game without a head coach, but the 49ers played more than 70.
Makes you wonder why they bothered to fill the job at all. I mean, what better argument can there be for downsizing?