To begin, Je Suis une dent de Tigre.
In other words, "I Am Tiger’s Tooth.”
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The news that Max Scherzer’s deal with the Washington Nationals has $105 million of the $210 million deferred and a $50 million bonus spread out over multiple years for tax reasons reminds us that California teams are now at a full disadvantage in signing free agents without doing some serious tax canoodling/overpaying to cover those tax issues. See Sandoval, Pablo.
And yes, that is designed exactly to make you feel bad for the Giants, A’s, Dodgers, Angels, Padres, Warriors, Kings, Lakers, Clippers, Kings, Ducks, Sharks, Raiders, 49ers and Chargers. We’d also say the MLS teams, but the MLS fixes its product so that only a few teams get the best available free agents (even the ones past their sell-by date).
And besides, even though we have created a culture that rewards entertainers more than teachers, nurses, police, firemen or social workers, I can’t really care that much.
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The Seattle Seahawks will indeed “overcome” their nitwit tweet using the famous Martin Luther King quote over a picture of a crying Russell Wilson, but it’s a good reminder that there are some things we cannot yet fully cheapen without severe recriminations.
Not many, mind you. But a couple.
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Mike Ditka of all people said he wouldn’t let his fictional 8-year-old son play football, re: this exchange on Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel:
Ditka: “If you had an 8-year-old kid now, would you tell him you want him to play football?”
Gumbel: “I wouldn't. Would you?”
Ditka: “No. Nope. That's sad. I wouldn't. And my whole life was football. I think the risk is worse than the reward. I really do.”
Roger Goodell, welcome to your Super Bowl In Hell.
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Sandy Barbour, who was squeezed out as athletic director at Cal and whose full-time replacement remains unnamed, got herself in a jam at her new gig, Penn State. After tweeting out that the men’s hockey team’s decision to slap “409” stickers on their helmets to commemorate the “restoration” of all Joe Paterno’s actual wins (they weren’t “restored,” they always existed, no matter what the ninnies from the NCAA say) was “inappropriate and insensitive,” she got grief from Paternonians across the Nittany diaspora.
Now she knows – Cal may the Bizarro World, but Penn State is a whole different galaxy.
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New baseball commissioner Rob Manfred has started changing Bud Selig’s furniture by replacing seven of the eight members of the executive council, ridding it of all three members who voted against him in the commissioner election, Chicago’s Jerry Reinsdorf, Cincinnati’s Bob Castellini and Boston’s John Henry, who was pimping co-owner Tom Werner for the job.
Also not on the board – Lew Wolff and/or John Fisher of Oakland, which voted against Manfred, and Larry Baer and/or Charlie Johnson of San Francisco, which did. Maybe the plans for the 2028 Olympics were just too daunting for Baer.
As a hilarious sidelight, Mets owner Fred Wilpon is now head of the finance committee, which is exactly where you’d want a guy who has nearly bankrupted his franchise.
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The New York Islanders, surprise leaders in the Eastern Conference after missing the playoffs six of the past seven years and 15 of the past 20, are being investigated by the NHL for allegedly deflating pucks.
Just wanted to see if you were paying attention.
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In other hockey news, Chicago’s Dan Carcillo was suspended six games for crosschecking Mathieu Perrault of Winnipeg from behind after a whistle had been blown in the two teams’ game Friday night. The suspension was Carcillo’s ninth in nine years, plus three fines for bad on-ice behavior. He was described as “a repeat offender,” as “serial offender,” “chronic offender,” “pathological offender” and “proto-homicidal maniac” are not covered in the current CBS language.
Though “cementhead” probably is.
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Good news from Monday’s grisly scoreless draw between Everton and West Bromwich Albion: Everton failed despite (and maybe because) of a halftime pep talk to the crowd at Goodison Park from Sylvester Stallone (really?). And West Brom got a badly needed point for new manager Tony Pulis, who is going to spend some time in his offseason as part of a fund-raising team that will row – yes, row – from London to Paris to help raise money for Stoke-on-Trent based charity Donna Louise Children’s Hospice Trust.
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And finally, IT’S THE ONION! IT’S NOT REAL! DON’T PANIC! AND DON’T MIND THE ONE SWEAR WORD, YOU CANDYPANTS BABIES! http://bit.ly/1sI4XyV.