So we’re done for the moment with Jedediah Z. (for Zebulon) York and his wacky view of football in the 21st century. He gets to come back out among us when he hires the next 49ers coach, and then he has to return to his inner sancta (he’s rich, so he has several) to remain until he figures out how to do press conferences and radio interviews without making people wince. We’ll leave him alone for awhile to help encourage him in this endeavor, but if he stays away too long, we’re going to suspect that he is becoming the next Chris Cohan, and nobody wants that.
Not even Chris Cohan. Wherever the hell he is.
[RELATED: 49ers CEO York: 'I didn't leak anything']
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The Dodgers are closing in on signing a game-fixer. Okay, an accused game-fixer. Okay, a twice-banned accused game-fixer.
According to the Los Angeles Times, the Dodgers are close to a minor league deal with pitcher Chin-Hui Tsao , who is now 33 but was once a top-rated prospect with Colorado who got banned in Taiwan in 2009 for allegedly receiving “unsuitable benefits” from a gambling ring run by a gangster named “Windshield Wiper.”
Pure Eight Men Out stuff.
Except that Tsao allegedly received sex as one of those benefits for agreeing to throw two games, one of which was rained out.
Somehow, John Cusack would have been a much more fun version of Buck Weaver if his story had more closely traced Tsao’s.
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Spare a moment please for Jacob Kurtz, the Florida basketball player who inadvertently tipped a buzzer-beating basket into his own hoop Tuesday night to help Florida State beat the Gators, 65-63.
Okay, that’s enough. It’s the holiday season and all, but damn, dude.
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The Foster Farms Bowl has only up to go from here, here being Stanford’s choke-slamming of Maryland, 45-21. It helps, though, that it was played in relative secret (the announced crowd was 37), so organizers could pass next year’s game off as the inaugural FFB, and give it more time to challenge its hated archrival, the Chick-Fil-A (Peach) Bowl.
[RELATED: Stanford routs Maryland in Foster Farms Bowl]
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With all due respect to Comrade Maiocco, who is a living god except for that unfortunate incident with the police horse and the vat of strawberry cream cheese in ’07, this (http://bit.ly/1tivQEE) by the Sacramento Bee’s Matt (Hamsta Face Killa) Barrows is deucedly clever. It also has the name “Harbaugh” in it 22 times, which is frankly creepy even by 49er beat writer standards, and those poor twitches have been through too much already this year.
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Steve Kerr ran up the score Tuesday night, and he styles his hair with an angry badger.
We say this only because nobody else will say anything else bad about him, and even he knows he’s not as good as all that.
[INSTANT REPLAY: Warriors crush 76ers by 40 points]
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And finally, Rex Ryan should be forced to coach every team with a vacancy, please.
[RELATED: Report: Rex Ryan to interview for 49ers job]
With that, this is the final The Miserablist of 2014. You aren’t going to read anything tomorrow, you sub-literate baboons, and I’m going to be watching the two college football semifinals between bouts of target vomiting. Unless of course something happens with Haryork, or Jedbaugh, or Traag Baarathe, or something else occurs to remind us all that the new year is the same as the old year, only with more intricate and legally preposterous stupidities.
