Good news for Raider fans, in the guise of crap news for Raider fans: The window for applying for relocation has been pushed back a month to the day after the Super Bowl. That is, February 2. At that time, the Raiders can declare for Oakland, San Antonio, Los Angeles or Ulaan Baatar.
“It never made sense to me that the window to apply for relocation began right at the start of the playoffs,” former Raiders president Amy Trask said. “I understand why the league would want to take away the distraction of a relocation application, or applications, during arguably what is the most exciting part of the football season.”
So she’s not romantic about the good old days – at least not romantic enough to think that what’s going to happen isn’t going to happen.
X X X
You know what else isn’t going to happen? An end to night games in the NFL. The evidence, though, is clear – if you’re looking for suck, it comes in the Costco size when the lights come on.
After Monday’s 45-21 gob-smacking by the Eagles upon the Panthers, the night games (based on North American time zones, not those of the European colonies) are averaging a victory margin of 17.8 points, or three full possessions. More specifically, the Sunday games this year have an average margin of 21.4, the Thursday games 20.5, and the Monday games 12.1 because of two garbage-time Carolina touchdowns. The daylight games get settled at an average of 11.8 points per game.
In short, Mike Tirico is kicking Jim Nantz and Al Michaels right in the seater, because as anyone in my home office will tell you, football is just network television with shiny hats and without James Spader or Jim Parsons.
X X X
This won’t matter to LeBron James, though, since he told ESPN’s Chris Broussard he won’t let his children play football – just basketball, baseball and soccer – not football.
He is, however, considering letting Kyrie Irving play football, depending on the night.
X X X
Lovie Smith also wants his tight end, Austin Seferian-Jenkins, to play football too, and instead of become an Internet sweetheart.
Seferian-Jenkins punctuated his touchdown in Tampa Bay’s latest loss Sunday by placing the ball on the ground and putting one leg on it, Captain Morgan-style. Then he made it worse (it was already a 15-yard penalty for excessive Gallagher) by posting a photo of it on Instagram with the caption “Everybody has a little captain in them. #Itsabucslife.”
“When guys make mistakes, I confront them immediately, which happened this time,” Smith told Rick Stroud of the Tampa Bay Times. “How’s that? The penalty of course, right away. And when I found out about the Instagram. I’m on Facebook a little bit so I can get pictures of my grandchild. Besides that, I’m not really into the rest of the stuff. Once it came to my attention, then I confronted him.”
In that special, fatherly, I’ll-lose-a-shoe-in-your-ass kind of way.
X X X
The Steelers’ revolting loss to the New York Jets has been linked to Justin Bieber, which frankly is enough for me. But no, it has been linked to Bieber’s visit to the Steelers before the game, extending a streak of Typhoid Biebs to include the Spanish World Cup team, the Miami Heat and Chicago Blackhawks in the Western Conference finals.
So far, Taylor Swift’s record is clean. No opinion on whatever she’s singing these days, though.
X X X
Barry Svrluga of the Washington Post laid it right out there – the New York Mets’ decision to sign Michael Cuddyer to a two-year, $20 million contract means one thing. Over to you, Svrl:
“The only conclusion: The Mets think they’re ready to win, and soon.”
And I’m the new Attorney General. Fred and Jeff Wilpon can’t afford to win games. They’re poor, and winning costs money, remember?
[RELATED: Cuddyer signs two-year deal with Mets]
X X X
The Carolina Hurricanes promoted Michal Jordan from its Charlotte farm for Monday’s game against Calgary. Jordan – the Zlin, Czech Republic, Jordan, that is – was a healthy scratch, which the other Jordan will use as motivational fuel the next time he lays a bet on an eight-foot putt.
X X X
And finally, Noel Gallagher (of the Oasis Gallaghers) autographed Gary Neville’s guitar the other day, and since Gallagher is a big Manchester City fan and Neville was a fixture at Manchester United, Gallagher paid the gesture the fullest amount of respect allowed under the law with this inscription:
How many caps have you got for England? How many do you think you deserved? I’ll tell you . . . F---IN’ NONE!!!
“Lots of love, Noel Gallagher x
I think there’s a lesson in that for all of us.