Finally, we have the real reason Chip Kelly was hired by the San Francisco 49ers, and it’s one you didn’t see coming: He apparently loves the way the 49ers approach their offensive responsibilities – with multiple coats of bland, dull, boring and tedious.
That analysis comes from Evan Mathis, free agent lineman after winning the Super Bowl with the Denver Broncos and former Philadelphia Eagle, in an e-mail to 9News’ Mike Klis, that included this:
“There were many things that Chip had done that showed me he wasn’t building a championship team. Two of the main issues that concerned me were: 1. A never-evolving, vanilla offense that forced our own defense to play higher than normal play counts. 2. His impatience with certain personality types even when they were blue-chip talents. The Broncos team I was on would have eaten Chip alive. I don’t think he could have handled the plethora of large personalities.”
Well, the 49ers don’t have any personalities, apparently including the general manager, so that’s not an issue, and their 32nd ranked offense was everything Mathis described.
So yay job vetting! They nailed it this time.
[RELATED: Ex-Eagles O-lineman: Broncos 'would have eaten Chip alive']
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The Officiating Revolution continues! This time, Olivier Marcotte, a 21-year old hockey player for the Sherbrooke Junior AA Hockey-Experts, allegedly spat in a referee’s face during a playoff game, resulting in two Surete du Quebec officers arresting him while he was still on the ice. He was later released, but the days of talking a player down from a temper tantrum are clearly coming to an end.
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The NFL owners getting caught trying to move $100 million of ticket revenue out of its rightful place in the salary cap is one more reminder that everyone should get everything in writing, including a kiss from your spouse. It also shows that the league still believes in the philosophy of “we’ll do anything to anything for a dollar.”
Your lack of surprise is permitted.
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Jose Bautista had to negotiate his new contract in the media Tuesday just to clear up the misconception that he was a 36-year-old outfielder-becoming-DH who is asking for five years and $150 million.
“False,” he said.
But now that he’s answered one, he’ll have to answer a dollar figure and/or a year figure every day until someone guesses it – otherwise, what are game shows for?
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Richard Johnson of the New York Post’s Page Six column says that O.J. Simpson thinks Cuba Gooding, Jr., has a pea head.
That is a New York Post way of saying that Simpson isn’t convinced of the effectivess of a show he apparently hasn’t seen because the Lovelock Correctional Facility in Nevada which houses him doesn’t get FX, which is airing “The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story.” Johnson:
“He can’t watch it, but he’s heard a lot about it,” Felix told me. “He’s hearing it from the guards. He’s hearing it from Khloé Kardashian and from ‘A.C.’ Cowlings . . . (he) says Gooding is not tall enough and his head is too small. O.J. has a huge head.” Simpson’s yard name is Bobble Head, while the Native American inmates call him Buffalo, Felix said.
“On a deeper level, Simpson is ‘upset’ that the FX series seems to suggest he’s guilty of murdering ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ron Goldman.”
So does Lovelock get SyFy?
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In case you’re wondering if the FIFA elections matter, read this, from Bloomberg Business’ Fariq Panja and David Voreacos, about the cesspool that is CONCACAF.
And then you should skip the election because when it comes to cleaning up this particular ethical bog, it won’t matter.
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Detroit Free Press columnist and best-selling author Mitch Albom is writing the screenplay of the John Scott movie, and somewhere along the way we’re going to find out that Arizona coach Dave Tippett is going to look and sound like Morrie on Tuesdays.
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Comrade J. Ivanovich Salisbury of CSNPhiladelphia listened to Phillies first baseman Ryan Howard explain his moody 2015:
“Last year was a tough year,” Howard said at his Tuesday press conference. “Last year was a tough year. I wasn’t happy with the media. I was always happy with my team. I wasn’t happy with the media last year.
“The way I felt with everything that I’ve done here in Philadelphia, I just felt I was being portrayed as something worse. To be honest with you guys, I felt like I was being portrayed as the bad guy. That’s why I didn’t talk to you all last year. I didn’t have a problem at all with my teammates.” Among people who weren’t his teammates, former general manager Ruben Amaro, Jr., said the team would probably be better off if Howard moved on (he later apologized), and former club president Pat Gillick said publicly there was no trade interest in Howard last year due to his decline as a player and his high salary. They are “former.” He remains “present.”
Nevertheless, the media wrote those things when they were said. Bastards.
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David Ortiz of the Boston Red Sox told Kevin Kernan of the New York Post (but not Page Six) what he wants most in this, his final year:
"You know what I want most of all?" Big Papi told The Post on Tuesday at JetBlue Park. ‘I would love it if the fans at Yankee Stadium gave me a standing ovation."
Presumably, this is a response to Red Sox fans giving Yankee lifers Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera standing ovations during their last visits to Fenway Park in 2014. But given the Yankees’ new commitment to only the elite and most dignified customers, the best Ortiz can hope for is a clink of champagne flutes and a rhythmic golf clap. Unless of course he’s willing to deck Dustin Pedroia during the national anthem.
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And finally, @hookitcom says Cristiano Ronaldo is the first athlete ever to top 200,000,000 followers on social media. This is such a big deal that I almost feel ashamed of the fact that I am one of the 7,204,000,000 people on earth who remain untouched by Ronaldo’s Instagramagic.
Plus, I’d still rather watch Zaza Pachulia.