If you feel like a No. 1 seed, lie down and take some aspirin. It will pass.
Maybe.
Unless it doesn’t.
In which case see a doctor, stat, unless you want Mike Krzyzewski to go all Ward Cleaver on you.
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Also, if you feel like someone who’s been betting the Warriors, get help fast. After failing to cover the record 22-point number against the 76ers Sunday (and the refs screwed Philly, be not fooled by that), they have hornswoggled their bettors four of the last five games.
Tell me about your precious bloody regular-season record now, you front-running meat puppets.
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First the Royals, then the Cubs – both infested by bees thing spring training, to the great consternation of their players. Maybe Domnald Trump’s plan for a wall can be adjusted to that of a gigantic apiary, in case he’s worried that he won’t carry Arizona by 70 percent.
I mean, who doesn’t hate bees?
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Atlanta Hawk Jeff Teague, who was left at the Palace at Auburn Hills after the Hawks played the Detroit Pistons Saturday while his teammates bused to the airport for their game in Chicago with only his gear and a pizza, has just created a new CBA issue. I mean, Auburn Hills is almost closer to Toronto than Detroit.
Anyway, NBAPA head Michele Roberts is going to want someone to pay for this, and frankly, she should.
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In case you needed more data, the Los Angeles Rams (read: Stan Kroenke) have an option to buy its former practice facility in suburban Earth City, Mo., for $1 in 2024 from the governing board for the Edward Jones Dome, which currently owns the $19 million parcel.
The Regional Convention and Sports Complex Authority has sued to invalidate the clause in hopes of selling the land. “(We) own the training facility, which is a valuable asset,” authority attorney Chris Bauman told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. “We have a responsibility to maximize the value of that. And to do that, we need certainty concerning this invalid option.”
In addition, Dave Peacock, who co-chaired an attempt to build a $1 billion-plus riverfront stadium to keep the Rams from leaving, said, “I think it would be bad form and in bad character. Just because you have the right to do something doesn't make it right.”
I will now speak for the Rams.
“Aaaah-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA STOPSTOPSTOPYOU’REKILLINGMEBADFORMDOESN’TMAKEITRIGHTOHMYGODITHINKMYSIDESHAVESPLIT!”
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The NBA’s Last Two Minute Report, which analyzes officiating in the final two minutes of regulation plus any overtimes, found that the crew in the Washington-Minnesota two-overtime game Friday that the Doggies won, 132-129, states that the final 12 minutes of the game featured 14 – 14! officiating mistakes. The crew of Mike Callahan, Josh Tiven and Justin Van Duyne missed nine “incorrect non-calls” in that stretch, meaning they pocketed their whistles in hopes that the two sides would sort their differences without intervention.
Joey, damn you, come back! All is forgiven! Fix your knee with the power your mind and save us from this carnage!
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And finally, the North Carolina-Syracuse national semifinal will feature two things above all others.
One, Roy Williams will cry. And two, Jim Boeheim will look like he ate a poison sumac plant. And we support them both, especially if they also drop the double bird in the interview room.
