The San Antonio Spurs won the off-season title even before today, but adding a healthy Matt Bonner can only make them more frightening. And why wasn’t he healthy last year?
“I hate to make excuses, I was raised to never make excuses, but I went through a two-and-a-half month stretch where I had really bad tennis elbow,” Bonner told the Concord Monitor’s Tim O’Sullivan. “Everybody is going to find this hilarious, but here's my theory on how I got it. When the new iPhone came out it was way bigger than the last one, and I think because I got that new phone it was a strain to use it, you have to stretch further to hit the buttons, and I honestly think that's how I ended up developing it.”
“During that stretch it made it so painful for me to shoot I’d almost be cringing before I even caught the ball like, ‘Oh, this is going to kill.’”
“I really don't want to say that's why my percentage dipped, but I’m not too worried about it,” Bonner said. “I know I can still shoot.”
Oh prove it.
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Micronesia’s hellish Olympic soccer qualifying – losing to Tahiti, Fiji and Vanuatu by an aggregate of 114-0 – has an up-side. The country is not yet a member of FIFA so it didn’t have to bribe anyone to get its collective head kicked in.
It also has a schadenfreude moment. Vanuatu needed to win by 30 to have a chance to stay in the competition, and though it clearly did, it couldn’t pass through to the next round because Fiji and Tahiti drew by the slightly more pedestrian score of 0-0. Plus Vanuatan Jean Kilback, who scored 16 goals on his own, said “I missed more chances than I scored.”
His grandchildren will be so ashamed.
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Hunter Pence. That is all.
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Why Sports Sucks, No. 88,101: The people who hated the All-Star Game when it meant nothing now hate it because it means something minimal, because they didn’t get Clayton Kershaw or Alex Rodriguez or Horace Clarke or some other weasel.
Well, too bad, suckers. The only way to fix it has always been to play the game, then throw $5 million in tens on the field and let the winners fight for it.
With your broadcast team of Vin Scully, Andres Cantor and Peter Dinklage
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And finally, Scullydamus popped his all-knowing head up Sunday when he referred to a story about Justin Turner giving a ball to a redhaired kid and said, “I had been told by someone, that redheads will be extinct by the year 2060... By 2030 I know one redhead who isn’t going to care.”
Andy Dalton is not happy to have the year of his death announced, but Scullydamus knows all, sees all, tells all of it in a singsongy delivery that mesmerizes all living things. Deal with it, A.D.