While we await Anderson Varejao’s arrival as the 362nd Golden State Warrior ever to give their season season relevance and validity . . .
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For all those ridiculous, annoying, semi-precious and nauseating “pitchers-and-catchers reporting day is Christmas all over again” messages from purported adults, I give you the new code phrase: “It’s Guess Pablo Sandoval’s Weight reporting day for 5,000 baseball fans with Twitter accounts.”
To those of my friends who do this, well, you should have known before now that I’m not really there for you when you need emotional support. And for those of you really want to know, the proper guess is “He’s shaped like Uruguay, and he won’t really care one way to amuse you.”
And for you smug and tedious waistline mall cops, this is coming from someone who has mastered the art of being wide.
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Because the Raiders’ Oakland-Los Angeles-Oakland-Los Angeles dance never gets old, there’s probably going to be a new one, and in keeping with these modern times, it could happen at warp speed.
From Rich Calder and Josh Kosman of the New York Post, the New York islanders, who just left Long Island for Brooklyn, are exploring the possibility of going back –- and they’ve played only 31 games in their new home.
“The Islanders’ relationship with Barclays Center has been on such thin ice during the club’s first season in Brooklyn that both sides are secretly exploring ways to cut ties or modify the existing terms of their lease. (The) 25-year lease deal with Barclays Center to have the team move there beginning this season . . . includes a little-known out clause that kicks in after the fourth season that both sides could take advantage of, sources said.
“’I don’t think either side ever believed the full lease would be honored,’ said a source briefed on the matter. ‘I just didn’t think we’d be talking about this the first year in.’
“Jonathan Ledecky — who heads a group of investors set to replace Wang as the team’s majority owner July 1 — apparently is listening. A source close to the Islanders and other industry sources say he’s enamored with possibly moving the team to Queens or back to Long Island.”
There are issues with doing anything, of course, but it’s just nice to know that in the new sporting landscape, everywhere is great except wherever you are. In other words, the Washington generals had it right all along.
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Because nothing’s over even after it’s declared over, there is this from Rob Tornoe of Philly.com on new bootleg Joe Paterno statues to replace the old one at Penn State, done without the approval of anyone from the school, the family or the original sculptor.
“Yesid Gomez and Wilfer Buitrago, two cousins who did the casting work on the original Paterno statue based on a sculpture by Reading artist Angelo Di Maria, said they are hard at work in a secret location in the Lancaster County borough of Ephrata, creating two brand-new statues - this time with no approval from Penn State, the Paterno family or Di Maria. One of the replicas will be donated to the Paterno family and the other will be displayed for Penn State faithful at various locations.
“’Penn State should have given us the courtesy of contacting us when they removed the statue and letting us know where it is,’ Gomez told Philly.com. ‘Instead, they are not responding to us, so we decided to bring the statue back again.’”
The cost to the two so far is estimated as more than $100,000. If this doesn’t go the way they hope, they may end up with the largest lawn jockeys in Pennsylvania.
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The one thing the Kobe Bryant Farewell Tour hasn’t had is the Billy Crystal moment from Forget Paris where he ejects Kareem Abdul-Jabbar from his testimonial game. That’s the kind of thing Joey Crawford would be up for if he hadn’t hurt his knee back in November.
But for those of you dream of moments like that, there’s Felix Zwayer, a Bundesliga referee who pulled his officiating crew off the field at the Bayer Leverkusen-Borussia Dortmund match after Leverkusen manager Roger Schmidt refused to leave the field after being ejected for objecting to a non-call (that Zwayer got right, by the way). They stayed off until Schmidt acquiesced.
Little victories. BTW, Crawford is expected back in March, so he could still Crystallize Bryant in the season-ender against Utah.
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Anthony Davis’ 59-point game Sunday was described by some folks as having occurred in a “demolition” of the Detroit Pistons, which is interesting given that the New Orleans Pelicans only won by five points. In fact, Davis beat the Pelicans by more points than the Pelicans beat the Pistons, so maybe that’s what they meant.
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The Miami Marlins have in an “organizational decision” decided that they will not allow facial hair on their players this year. This is not expected to aid their ability to play or win games, but as there seems to be little support for an “organizational decision” to make owner Jeffrey Loria and his son-in-law David Samson live in a bunker without Internet access, there really no way to guarantee improved results.
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Former Dallas Cowboy running back Joseph Randle was arrested for the fifth time in 17 months, and in the good old don’t-have-to-care-about-anything days we could have a knowing and smug cluck about a chronic reprobate who couldn’t figure out life. Now? We think CTE, with a minimal possibility of chronic reprobatitude.
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And finally, the Daytona 500 had its closest finish ever, but since nobody got into a fight in the infield, it’ll be at the back end of the broadcast, so screw it.