I’m not sure how the Sports Emmy voting works (it’s sort of like the ovulation cycle of the chupacabra in that it’s something I am not and will never be involved with at any level), but I am completely good with having Ernie Johnson decide solely and without consultation who gets what doodad for what TV deed every year. If you don’t know why, check this out.
And if you do know why, I’m sure you have no countervailing argument because there is none.
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And now, back to people who should receive awards through the more traditional milieu of bludgeoning.
Floyd Mayweather is being sued for a piece of his action by the woman he beat up, and Manny Pacquiao is being sued by a bunch of people for lying on his can-I-get-beaten-up-in-Nevada form. I don’t know if there’s a better way for this tawdry kabuki to end, but I have to assume such a method would involve shrapnel.
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So now that Ted Wells thinks the Patriots kinda sorta cheated, does Robert Kraft have Roger Goodell capped or not? Asking for a job seeker who enjoys taking unreasonable orders at all hours from billionaires.
And now, God. There are sports figures who thank the traditional Western deity for their gifts, and then there are clergy who beg God for his – most notably, it seems, the power to smite.
So here’s to Father Stephen Foster of Newcastle, England, a former Newcastle United season ticket holder who sermonized Sunday to the deity in charge of wreaking divine justice to stop making earthquakes and get into business on United owner Mike Ashley, going so far as to tell the Newcastle Chronicle his intent.
So, if you have an owner who needs a quick round of locusts, here it is:
“Dear Father in Heaven,
“Listen to our prayer in the midst of our suffering. To be at St James Park is where we want to be. To win is great. To see passion, excitement, endeavor and skill is ecstatic. To lose is always terrible. It takes some time to recover.
“But now we are being attacked from within. We are more financially secure now, but the cost is great. No involvement in cups is allowed. Best players sold. Mediocre mid-table finish is what is demanded. The balance sheet has become the most important thing. But this is not what we want.
“And so Heavenly Father, grant that the owner will see more to this than profit and balance sheet. That there is more to life than money. It’s about families and belonging. Being happy. If you spend your hard-earned money on a match ticket, it’s an insult to witness passionless, mercenary football.
“Our family is Newcastle. Give us what we want. But, if he is not prepared to change Heavenly Father, give him the insight to know it’s time to go. Give us a new owner (or a new mentality for the present owner) who will take our spirit and not crush it but revive it. Give us someone who will not rename our stadium from St James Park, not change the color of our strip. Not rebrand us into something we are not.
“We’ve had highs and lows. Notably the Fairs Cup. That was a great year. But too many lows. Help us now,
The cool thing here is, you can just tweak a line here or there and use it at your house of worship – even if your house of worship has a long mahogany table and beer taps stationed every two feet for your convenience.
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LeSean McCoy, the defrocked Philadelphia Eagle who is now a Buffalo Bill, told Mike Rodak of ESPN that Chip Kelly has a melanin problem, and it does not get more incendiary than that.
“The relationship was never really great,” McCoy said. “I feel like I always respected him as a coach. I think that’s the way he runs his team. He wants the full control. You see how fast he got rid of all the good players. Especially all the good black players. He got rid of them the fastest. That’s the truth. There’s a reason . . .”
Whether it is perception or reality, and you know the argument is already forming, the ellipses at the end is very damp-dynamite stuff.
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Alex Rodriguez meets Willie Mays’ birthday today with a chance to move past him on the home run lists, which reminds us that Mays has said on more than one occasion that he is completely fine with the industrially shamed Yankee leapfrogging him on the largely meaningless home run list.
In other words, if you still have a problem with this (see Steinbrenner, Sons), you are a numbers-worshipping old cluck who really believes that stats make the player rather than the other way around. Please wear a sign so we can avoid you at parties.
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And finally, Bartolo Colon has now beaten the Baltimore Orioles as a member of the Indians, White Sox, Angels, Red Sox, Yankees, A’s, and Mets. All while being Bartolo Colon. Nothing you ever do will top that last part, and you damned well know it.