Right off the top, no, I don’t get Jake Peavy either, but damned if he isn’t flipping off the reaper one more time.
Frankly, at this point his drug test will probably turn up positive for formaldehyde, pixie dust and burnt edges of old San Diego Padres calendars.
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In the meantime -- and we should have noticed this two weeks earlier when Lou Lamoriello quit the New Jersey Devils to take a job with the Toronto Maple Leafs -- Billy Beane is now the longest serving general manager (one team, non-majority-owner) in North American pro sports.
In a private ceremony, Beane traded Josh Reddick for three mid-level prospects because, damn it, a man should get something nicer than a gift card to UKSoccerShop.com at a moment like this.
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Gary Bettman just got handed the Goodell’s Worst Nightmare trifecta. Marquee name Patrick Kane of the marquee name Chicago Blackhawks, who are owned by marquee/influential owner Rocky Wirtz, is being investigated for rape in Hamburg, a suburb of Kane’s hometown of Buffalo. While the investigation is ongoing, we know this much:
Bettman isn’t feeling quite so “I sure would like his money but I sure wouldn’t want his job” about his football compatriot now. More like, “if I have to do his job, I sure would like his money.”
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Here are lots of ways the Tampa Bay Buccaneers could have spared themselves national shame and mockery resulting from Red, their “football for women, who clearly don’t know football” marketing idea. Comma intended.
1. Make it “football for humans who don’t know anything about football.” No comma, also intended.
2. Have a separate “football for women who do know football” seminar.
3. Skip the idea entirely and just put out a “XXX Staph-Free Days” campaign.
4. Win enough games so that people who don’t know will ask their friends about it rather than be subjected to a rolling advertisement from a team whose 10-year record (63-97) is only 16 better than Oakland’s.
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Howard Megdal of Vice asks the musical question, “Why can’t you buy U.S. Women’s National Team Jerseys in men’s sizes?” and we know he asked it because that’s the headline of this.
It’s an interesting premise, albeit a little too inside-clothing-line-sales-intensive for my taste, but it still falls under the general rubric, “If you’re an adult, you shouldn’t be wearing any jersey.” Get a polo shirt, or a windbreaker, or a cap (curved brim, no snapback), or embroidered lingerie, it matters not. But jerseys on adults are a cultural outrage, and always will be.
I mean, if you want to look like a kid, go all out and wear rompers and a bib.
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Today’s hot betting tip: According to Sportsbook.ag, the 49ers are 60-1 to get to the Super Bowl (the Raiders are 100-1, in case you need that). The odds on the 49ers would be lower, but by February the players should be utterly sick and tired of playing on turf that comes up in teenager-sized sheets.
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And finally, the NBA schedule won’t be released until next week, but if I were you, I’d give some thought to making sure the kids are done breaking their toys earlier than normal on Christmas.