As a result of the wild success the Warriors had putting Andrew Bogut on Tony Allen in a modification of the Hack-a-Shaq called, “Don’t Bother With The Grindfather,” the team has reached out to Don Nelson, currently buying up hunks of Indonesia between steins of Fiji Bitter, for a look at his playbook, which featured more strategic variations than any other in the sport’s history.
In other words, be prepared for Leandro Barbosa standing on Brandon Rush’s shoulders while wearing a single overcoat when Kosta Koufos is in the game, putting Festus Ezeli at point center and having him bring the ball up, and assistant coach Ron Adams wearing a bejeweled turban and staring ceaselessly at Memphis’ Dave Joerger and chanting, “I am your father, Luke.”
And then Game 5 will happen, Allen will overcome his shredded hamstring, hit seven threes, and the Warriors will be regarded as potential failures again. It’s called Harmonic Nonsense, and it is the way of our people.
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So the Houston Rockets won the senseless foul battle in Game 5, and easily beat the Los Angeles Clippers, 124-103, to extend that series to a sixth game Thursday. Now will you believe me that momentum between games is a story you use to scare your children into going to bed?
Or would you have better success showing them a picture of Matt Barnes making friends and influencing headaches to readjust their childhood attitudes?
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Barry Bonds’ potential collusion lawsuit against Major League Baseball will go a long way to getting him paid one last time if he can produce paperwork that the 30 teams closed him down in concert, as they did in the three collusion judgments against them in the ‘80s that cost them $280 million.
But here’s the zany notion. While collusion usually comes with treble damages, meaning the plaintiff gets three times the judgment, his agent Scott Boras said he offered Bonds’ services to several clubs at the MLB minimum of $390,000, so a particularly impish judge could find for Bonds and award him $1.17 million, or $14,363,970 less than he made the year before.
Hardly seems worth it, except for the circus of fun it will provide, so here’s hoping he files the day after the Warriors finish. Hey, we all have to eat.
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ESPN’s E:60 story on FIFA’s (alleged) brigand-in-chief Sepp Blatter indicated that he is afraid to come to America for fear that the FBI would haul him in to be questioned about, among other things, corruption in World Cup bids. On the one hand, it would be good to see him in the dock. On the other hand, him in prison might lower the property values of the adjoining cells.
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Bobby Bowden, the gray eminence of Florida State football, described Jameis Winston as “an embarrassment to the university” in the eyes of many Florida State officials and alums.
Okay, fine. He’s an embarrassment. Return the money he made for you, and we’ll call it square. Hey, is that a busy signal I hear? Denial of service?
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The Tom Brady appeal team got bigger and badder with the inclusion of longtime NFL legal gadfly Jeffrey Kessler, who has beaten the league in court a number of times, including on behalf of Bill Belichick when he wanted his contract with the New York Jets invalidated.
So, yeah. Handbags all around. Make it messy, gents, and we don’t mean the No Brady No Peace demonstrators in front of the NFL offices that remind the world why we are, well, those people. We love shame when it’s slathered on thick.
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Aaron Rodgers won Celebrity Jeopardy over an astronaut and one of the weasels on Shark Tank, though he did blow Final Jeopardy when he couldn’t identify Harley or Davidson (one of Wisconsin’s largest companies) or a question about the University of California.
We suspect he might have tanked that one, though, as he is a proud product of Butte Community College – just ask him. The Cal years are just a blur.