So now it can be told: Jim Harbaugh could have had the soon-to-be-vacated Bengals, Lions, Steelers or Cardinals jobs if he’d just waited a week. Of course, this is false, but with every freshly beaten team, there is an alternate universe where people get to pretend what could have been if only.
It’s how all the teams’ fan bases get to pretend that things aren’t as bad as they actually are.
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Now you’ll excuse me while I take a moment to pick up this penalty flag.
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Mike Seferian is the mayor of Oregon, Ohio, so of course there were rumors that he would change the name of the two as an idiotic publicity stunt as part of the pre-national championship hype. But Seferian failed as a politician by applying to logic to a problem that really isn’t. From WTVG:
“The city got its name in 1838. The state of Oregon got its name in 1859. (Seferian) says they had the name first and they are not changing it.
“’To change the name of Oregon just seemed wrong for us. It was an association back in the 1800s The people here were trying to get a business transaction going with the Oregon territory as well as the state of Oregon and it's pronounced the same. Their accent might be different out there but the name came from the same spot.”
In other words, he’ll have to think of another cheap publicity stunt if he intends to uphold the dignity of public office in the 21st century. Maybe he can get someone to introduce a bill in Congress to change the name of Oregon to “Just A Pac-12 Interloper Unworthy Of Notice.” Because college football.
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Oh, and Chris Christie is planning to change the name of New Jersey to “Suck It, Voting Lizard Scum. This Is Now Known As Cowboyvania.”
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Real Madrid fans must wonder why, in this renaissance, so many of their players want to kill themselves.
According to Marca, striker Karim Benzema decided to rub up against The Reaper by skydiving in Dubai, which flies in the face of the standard “avoid dangerous activities” clause. Last March, midfielder Asier Illarramendi had to apologize for running with the bulls while dressed in a Batman costume.
Up next: Cristiano Ronaldo decides to shave his profile into a live bear’s back.
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Media savvy is worth its weight in, well, zinc, which is why Boom Herron of the Indianapolis Colts opened his postgame interview session, made necessary by his two fumbles, with a heartfelt, “Don't be too hard on me, guys.”
This served several purposes. One, a plea for mercy is hard to ignore except if you’re an actor on the creepshow that is Criminal Minds. Two, asking nicely is always a clever tactic. Three, it negated the need to ask the question at all.
And four, it gave medioids the illusion that they still have as much influence as they think they do.
But still, TWO FUMBLES? ARE YOU INSANE? HAVE YOUR ARMS BEEN REPLACED BY PIPE CLEANERS? WHERE’S YOUR DIGNITY? ARE YOU EVEN A CITIZEN?
So ends the Indianapolis talk radio caller imitation for today.
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John Harbaugh was clearly affected by his brother’s grinning presence when he said after Saturday night’s game, “That’s Joe Flacco. He’s the best quarterback in football. We’ll take him any day of the week, twice on Sunday.”
You all remember when Colin Kaepernick was the best quarterback in football. And before that, Alex Smith. And I think Andrew Luck and Josh Johnson, too.
Funny, we have found no information on Jack Harbaugh looking back on his 2002 1-AA national championship year at Western Kentucky and saying, “Jason Michael is the best quarterback in football.” So it’s not Pop’s fault.
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And finally, a big weekend for crummy news: ESPN’s Stuart Scott and former baseball executive Hank Peters both died, and CapGeek.com creator Matthew Wuest shut down his site to deal with an unspecified health issue. Scott had ferociously battled cancer for more than five years, Peters had been a cutting edge general manager in the 60s and 70s, and CapGeek was that rare required Internet go-to site that could be trusted in all cases.
In summary, damn it.
