Geno Smith got his face punched, and though the explanation most people have ferreted out is that he was stiffing IK Enemkpali over a $600 airfare, the actual truth is this:
The New York Jets are the New York Jets.
I rest my case, for the 35th consecutive year.
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Eric Grubman, the NFL’s boots on the ground on all things Los Angeles, told his 450th reporter, Mark Maske of the Washington Post, that, and I quo-tweet, “Oakland has made no viable stadium proposal to Raiders for team to stay.”
[BAIR: Grubman: 'No viable proposal' for Raiders stadium in Oakland]
What is amazing here is that anyone is still asking him any questions about Oakland. I mean, the Raiders will get stuck where they are if the NFL gets the Rams and Chargers to learn to share one stadium, and if not, they’re leaving. But Oakland hasn’t, isn’t, and won’t be doing anything stadium-related with the money it doesn’t have, and we all know this. Frankly, we are now ready for Grubman to replace his stock answer with uproarious teary laughter and spitting.
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But if the Raiders are leaving, there is a ready replacement. In this case, since Raider fans like dress-up, they would be better outfitted than the team itself.
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The latest Jose Mourinho hilarity is that he has demoted Chelsea team doctor Eva Carneiro for not knowing that Eden Hazard was faking an injury Sunday when he was faking an injury. He said she does not “understand football” because she ran onto the field to check on the injured star while he was writhing like a half-gutted carp.
Frankly, this would be the moment when Hazard intervenes on Carneiro’s behalf. But no, radio silence, because when your coach is a brilliant yet borderline psychotic megalomaniac, well, collateral damage is collateral damage.
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Because while Minnesota fires its athletic director for rampant pervery, Oregon promotes its fashion department for stuff like this.
Now when Oregon plays that night game at Michigan State and Puddles The Duck jams that wrench in the stadium generator . . .
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There are rumors that Media Day, the gigantic shame-and-crank-fueled pig-rope of Super Bowl Week, will be moved to prime time this year in Santa Clara because some moron thinks it’s a made-for-TV event when in fact it’s really a made-for-the-earth-snapping-off-its-orbit-and-hurtling-into-the-sun event.
If this event could be guaranteed, I’d be willing to give up my admiration for Arian Foster’s religious stance and acknowledge that there is a God that loves and cares for us all, and recognizes that the NFL has grabbed for its last extraneous buck.
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And finally, on this relatively slow news day in which the NFL talked at length about keeping the draft in Chicago but uttered high-quality gibberish about their best ratings-grabber of the off-season – Brady – here is Roger Goodell’s gibberishian answer to Ben Volin’s (Boston Globe) question about why the league never corrected Chris Mortensen’s erroneous report about 11 underinflated footballs:
“Ben as you know, first and foremost we went to an independent investigation that week following the AFC Championship Game. All of that focus was put to Ted Wells at that point in time — supporting him and cooperating with him fully, making sure he had any information he had. There was no more discussion about a public discussion. It was Ted Wells’ investigation. He had complete discretion on the time, scope, the amount of time that was necessary for him, who he spoke to, and we fully supported that. So we went along with that, and that was ultimately the decision we made, and we issued our discipline shortly thereafter. And we’re in the middle of a CBA process now, and now litigation.”
Frankly, at this point, Goodell should just answer every question like a hyperactive parrot with Tourette’s Syndrome. At least that way we’d understand that he isn’t answering anything ever because, well, what the hell did you expect?