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From genius to overmatched neophyte in span of a week
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Just one sentence about the Robert Griffin III-Kyle Cousins quarterback “controversy,” and then I’ll stop: If you think that’s a worthwhile topic to generate TV or radio buzz, then why not cut to the chase and do an hour on “Flesh-Eating Bacteria, and Which Players Should Get Some.” Some topics are unworthy of either conception or execution, period.

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And now, a word about the loudness of Seattle football fans: Stop. Lots of stadiums house loud fans (like, say, Candlestick Park), and more than merely a few have the kind of acoustics that allow for high decibel counts. But if you think the noise had anything to do with the 49ers being trucked by the Seahawks Sunday night, you are a topic unworthy of conception, although execution might not be an entirely unwarranted alternative.

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Chip Kelly was exposed as a genius a week ago, and exposed as an overmatched neophyte Sunday. Hey, Twitter never lies, even when it takes both sides.

But fortunately for the Eagles, neither does Kelly, at least when it comes to copping to his shortcomings. He didn’t flinch when it came time to calling his own number to explain the Eagles’ late-game loss to San Diego, and that goes a long way toward winning over a fan base with teeth, and a roster that will likely grow better.

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Gene Simmons will be pissed to learn that he is being spectacularly outbid in the Fantasy Tim Tebow sweepstakes by a Russian oligarch named Mikhail Saltsman, who owns something called the Moscow Black Storm in something called the American Football League of Russia. Saltsman said he is willing pay $1 million if Tebow will play two games for the Black Storm and help the boys win the AFLOR title.

Kind of makes the LA Kiss seem so, well, insubstantial.

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In a related event, a rally in Jacksonville Monday to encourage the Jaguars to sign Tebow drew . . . well, 20 people. Twenty. Fifty, if you count media members. Fifty.

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One-time great soccer star Kaka, who has had to overcome a series of injuries and has played only sporadically for AC Milan since his halcyon days in 2007, has found an interesting, though not unique, way to keep the fans in his corner: He’s turning down money.

“I have spoken at length with the club and in the end I decided that I don’t want anything from Milan except love and support until I’m fully fit and ready to play,” he said in explaining the offer, which could save the team as much as $800,000. “So I have decided to not to be paid for this period of time. The only thing that I ask is the support and help to recover in the best way.”

So we can take it, then, that Barry Zito would have won more fans if he’d given the money back? Well, maybe, but I’d still much prefer the cash, for this very good reason. You cannot go to a butcher shop, hand the proprietor a fan who supports you through thick and thin and say, “I’d like four ribeyes, please.” I mean, you can, but the only butcher who does that deal is an idiot.

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On the other hand, there is former Northern Kentucky University athletic director Scott Eaton, who was caught embezzling more than $311,000 in university funds, mostly by a scheme with Kroger grocery gift cards. Makes those trips to Safeway seem a little more exciting now, don’t they?

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New Edmonton Oilers coach Dallas Eakins has chosen to inspire his young, playoff-free team by reminding them of the great Oiler teams of the past – by removing all the trophies in the locker room.

“We have moved some pictures and some plaques and some things and we’re going to put them out for our fans to enjoy, but it’s important for these players that this is their dressing room. Believe me, there is no disrespect. And this man would understand – this is not Mark Messier’s dressing room! We will definitely attempt to emulate the play of those great teams, the success of the Gretzkys, Messiers, Kurris and all of them. But I want these guys to be comfortable in their room.”

On the other hand, there is this alternate explanation, which he also provided.

“I think when a coach takes over he needs to change things in the room just for the sake of changing ‘em sometimes,” he said, reminding us of the entire raison d’etre for the HGTV Network.

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And finally, for those of you who cannot live a full and self-actualized life without a quality stadium argument, there’s this, from Rostov-on-Don, Russia: Two men in their 20s were standing in line to buy beer at a small store Sunday, but the discussion they were having turned into a fistfight, and then one participant pulled out a small nonlethal pistol and fired repeatedly.

The point of the argument? The ideas of philosopher Immanuel Kant, and whether, had he lived long enough and followed his tenets religiously, he would prefer Frank Gore or Kendall Hunter.