And your national champion is . . . North Dakota State. It’s what the committee would have wanted.
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RAMPANY YORKERY IS HERE! As in Denver, where the Broncos and John Fox “agreed to part ways” in that “We agree you can’t be here any more” kind of way. It’s the coward’s way of telling people, “We hate this guy,” but the NFL is as good a place as any to learn to be a corporate weasel.
And who knew this most definitively? Jay Glazer, who knew months ago that Jim Harbaugh was cured meat in San Francisco. Jay’s new gig, as the advance man for the Angel of Death, is coming with a new ad for Subway: “Get The Reaper’s Cut Turkey And Bacon Sub – for you folks who want to eat right and eat wrong at the same time.”
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Oh, and Peyton Manning’s torn thigh muscle, that he hid from so many people for a month? I wonder if that convinces the people who demanded he be forced to retire and then taken to the woods and abandoned that they might have been a tad premature.
But no, they won’t. Manning must retire because quarterbacks grow on trees and can be replaced by anyone slinging drinks in a dance hall. That’s why quarterbacks are the lowest-paid players in the NFL.
People are idiots. Tell your friends – at least the ones who aren’t idiots.
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According to Susan Snyder and Angela Couloumbis of the Philadelphia Inquirer, the NCAA is considering once again reducing the Sandusky sanctions against Penn State, as in restoring the 111 wins taken away from Joe Paterno, as well as ensuring the $60 million fine Penn State has to pay stays “within the state and the university, to be used for child protection.”
This is a nearly full reversal of the sanctions the NCAA hurled at the school, but the NCAA will still work hard to show (a) that it governs with mercy and generosity (ecch) and (b) that it has the moral authority to capriciously and thoughtlessly punish people without thought beyond corporate bullying
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Brooklyn Nets coach Lionel Hollins is the best NBA coach talker, non-Steve Kerr division, but maybe it’s just the Nets being 14½ games worse than the Warriors.
Anyway, when asked if his team has an identity beyond being 16-21, he said, “We have established an identity: We don't make shots,” Hollins said before Monday’s loss to Houston. “That's an identity . . . I don't know what it is. Maybe I'm the problem. I don't know. But I don't shoot them. I'm sure that behind closed doors -- without a microphone on -- some players may say I’m the problem, the reason they can't shoot.”
So that’s Hollins’ identity – as a shooter’s Typhoid Mary. Wonder if you can get a Halloween costume for that.
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Kids, don’t read this at home: Kevin Garnett’s rep as America’s Provocateur pretty much jumped the shark five years ago, but Dwight Howard could have changed a lot of the perceptions about him by throwing a full-fledged punch.
Oh, and in case you are a parent who thinks this is too strident a stand for a responsible adult, let me remind you – I am not a responsible adult by any definition.
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The annual measure of local NFL radio ratings is out, and as they have on the field, the Seahawks kicked major buttocks, rising 9.6 percent over the last year and 94 percent over three. In finding their true spirit animal – the wild Carroll – the ‘Hawks became the default team of the entire Pacific Northwest down to Medford, up to Ketchikan and east to Kalispell, and well, that accounts for some serious jump.
The 49ers are up almost 18 percent over three years, down almost one percent over last year (Jay Glazer, Commodore Buzzkill, strikes again), and the Raiders were the same this year but down almost 20 percent over the last three years.
The 49ers need a new coach who gets along with both the players and the suits to rock the radio. The Raiders just need more “TOUCHDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWNNNNNNN RAIDERS!” Got it, Gregor?
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The Phoenix Suns have a foam hand for forward Gerald Green, who is missing the ring finger on his right hand after a childhood accident. The foam hand is also one digit to the bad, which leads us to hope that Bobby Sarver, the Suns’ owner, is cutting 20 percent off the price for anyone who needs foam phalanges.
Then again, Bob is trying to buy Glasgow Rangers at a greatly reduced price (Rangers have been flirting with obliteration for the past few years), so he’s probably giving fans the Antonio Alfonseca Discount – pay for six fingers, get four.
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And finally, Greg Roman will get his chance to be his own man in Buffalo. The problem: he has a lot of players who are their own men, too. Horses for courses, kids, Horses for courses.