We start today with the cosmic version of being traded to the New York Jets, courtesy The Guardian:
“At a public lecture in Stockholm this week, (Professor/movie icon Stephen) Hawking offered these comforting words to any would-be deep space travelers: 'If you feel you are in a black hole, don’t give up. There’s a way out.'"
Evidently Hawking has a new theory, described by the KTH Royal Institute of Technology, you become permanently stuck in a two-dimensional hologram on the edge of the black hole’s edge, or you bust right through into another universe.
“The hole would need to be large and if it was rotating it might have a passage to another universe,” the Guardian quoted Hawking as saying. “But you couldn’t come back to our universe.”
Yeah, that sounds like the Jets to me.
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But if there is a bad end with a black hole, may we suggest Virginia Tech defensive coordinator Bud Foster, who suggested to reporters that coaches might fine players from their cost of attendance stipends for small transgressions. Other than being cruel and stupid, it is also an NCAA violation, which is why athletic director Whit Babcock texted the Associated Press minutes later saying any such practice “will be stopped immediately.”
Well, there’s still abandoning them in the woods.
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LeBron James has had a lousy summer. First there was that the thing with the Warriors that didn’t work out, then he had to settle for selling his $9 million home in Miami for only $13.4 million instead of the $17 million he was asking.
A company controlled by Mayfair in the Grove owner Timo Kipp and his wife Nathalia Kipp bought the home to use “as our primary residence,” according to Timo Kipp. “We (Nathalia was the broker) always thought the price was too high and we were able to negotiate it down.”
David Blatt will doubtlessly be blamed for James not getting full asking.
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Mario Balotelli, whose massive flameout at Liverpool was ended when he was sent to Inter Milan earlier this week, and such is the striker’s reputation that chief executive Adriano Galliani and coach Sinisa Mihajlovic borrowed regulations from the Italian air force to set rules on the wayward kickballer. Those including closely monitoring his Twitter, Facebook and Instagram posts; requiring him to rein in his “extravagant hairstyles;” dressing in clothes “in keeping with the style of a club like Milan;” showing up on time and banned from visiting nightclubs; and the kicker (no pun intended), cutting out his smoking habit.
Too bad. I’d always hoped I could see him score while clenching a freshly lit Macanudo between his teeth.
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Hours after UCLA coach Jim Mora said anyone who says UCLA has picked a starting quarterback is “1,000 percent wrong,” he named his starting quarterback –- freshman Josh Rosen.
It could be a great choice, but the key here is that he tried to keep a secret not worth keeping, and has elevated a player whom he ripped at practice last week with gems like:
• “You’re not at (unpleasantry) Bellflower St. John Bosco,” Mora screamed after one lackadaisical pass. “That’s why you have not been named the starter.”
• “You can’t hit an open receiver down field with no defense.”
• “The ‘Anointed One.’”
• “Go back to Bosco and beat some more s----- teams.”
• Then told media members at the practice, “Tell your readers that is why he has not been named the starter.”
Now they’re telling them that he has. Yes, Jim-Boy. Always keep ‘em not guessing.
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Also in a matter of hours, Toronto Blue Jays outfielder Jose Bautista announced he has been boycotting Sportsnet, and then said he ended his boycott.
“The issue’s resolved and we’re moving on,” Bautista told Toronto Star writer Richard Griffin, without elaborating on how the issue was settled.
The Star reported that Bautista has refused to do one-on-one interviews with Sportsnet for more than three months in protest of the broadcaster’s refusal to pay the cost of a designer suit purchased by rookie Devon Travis as part of a TV segment aired on Sportsnet on May 19. Bautista believed Travis should not have paid for the suit himself since it was Sportsnet’s idea to do the TV special, and that he needed to stand up for his younger teammate.
The fun part: Rogers Media owns Sportsnet, and the Blue Jays. In other words, Bautista froze out his own company for three months without his own company getting mad at him. Man, when you’re in first place, you can jam your middle finger in your boss’ eye up to the second knuckle and nothing happens.
Which reminds me, I need to see my boss about something.
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And finally, the A’s 30th one-run loss of the season Tuesday night still has them 14 short of the major league record, and they have to lose 32 of their final 34 games by one run to break the record for one-run games in a season.
Keep at it, boys. Memorable comes in many sizes.