The Golden State Warriors are now such an item that they are rendering everything they touch a cliché. Stephen Curry goes to a Giants game, so the A’s have to invite Klay Thompson to leave his hyperbaric brain chamber to see them play the Yankees. Envy is a horrible thing.
Next up, Leandro Barbosa is assigned to the Earthquakes to become their second leading scorer (it wouldn’t be hard), Andre Iguodala hooks up with a boxing card to better learn how to kick Steve Kerr’s butt for not starting him (his words, not ours), Draymond Green turns up as a guest referee at the WWE Elimination Chamber event, Andrew Bogut Skypes out the first bounce at the Carlton-Adelaide match at the MCG Saturday, and in the final indignity, Kerr and Tom Tolbert lock up (and singlehandedly deplete) the main beer concession at the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Championship on July 4.
And Alvin Gentry, who just signed on to coach the New Orleans Pelicans, will be the next grand martial for The Krewe Of Endymion at the Mardi Gras parade. What, you wanted him to be a long-snapper for the Saints?
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Speaking of which, Gentry’s decision to take the Pelicans coaching job is, besides being a well-deserved promotion, a golden opportunity for him to regale us with tales of the first round of the Western Conference playoffs, when, if he’s the kind of fellow we think he is, he will utter the deathless phrase, “When we beat us . . . ”
This must happen often.
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Bruce Bochy’s feet and their tell-all-book “A Book Of Walks” is already making a dent in the reading populace, and the news that he even outlined some of his Bay Area hike haunts led Nathalie Atkinson of the Toronto Globe And Mail to ask if he wasn’t worried that people would start stalking him.
“I enjoy that a lot of people end up walking with me,” the wobbly mastermind said. “They’ll have stories, like of their parents, ‘My mom and dad said they could pass on now because they saw the Giants become world champions in their lifetime,’ that sort of thing. They’re courteous and they’ll walk with me for five or 10 minutes.”
So now Bochy can spend his idle hours listening to people tell him how he helped make it okay for their parents to die. That is some weird knowledge to possess.
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And yes, the A’s are following up the Bochy success with Lew Wolff’s “A Pamphlet Of False Starts To San Jose.”
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The New York Yankees came through Oakland this weekend, and because fans and sheep are often interchangeable, A’s fans booed Alex Rodriguez with serious vigor, even Sunday afternoon, as he closed to within 14 hits of 3,000, yet another milestone the team’s management will choose to ignore. So the obvious question is this:
If you hate the Yankees so much like you say you do, why would you root for them by booing Rodriguez? Because you’re conditioned to. I mean, the Yankees have done more damage to your team than Rodriguez ever has, going back to . . . well, forever.
Priorities, people. Either that or get better at giving wool.
[RELATED: Chavez shuts down Yankees, A's win series]
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Indicted FIFA graft-sucker and professional invertebrate Jack Warner has already begun preparing his insanity defense by referencing this report as proof of FIFA’s essential swellness, saying in a Facebook defense of his slimy yet engorged pockets, “If FIFA is so bad, why is it USA wants to keep the FIFA World Cup?”
It’s The Onion, Jack. Have your cellmate explain it to you.
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I did not care about Johnny Manziel at the Byron Nelson Classic before his alleged altercation with a fan which wasn’t a real altercation and wasn’t at the Byron Nelson Classic.
But I do care about just how much longer we’re supposed to care about him, and I think the statute of limitations must be about up.
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Bryce Harper may not participate in the increasingly pointless Home Run Derby at the All-Star Game, in large part because his father Ron, who pitched to him in the 2013 event, is out with a torn rotator cuff incurred while snowmobiling. How could this kind of dangerous activity by a family member not be covered in his son’s contract with the Nationals, though? Is Mike Rizzo even trying any more?
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And finally, Boston has officially turned on Pablo Sandoval after a mere eight weeks. Michael Schur, the television writer known mostly as Ken Tremendous to the billions of you who remember the seminal blog Fire Joe Morgan, is a raving Red Sox fan (think of it the way you would think of someone with Tourette’s Syndrome) who has decided the Giant ex-pat is already the deadest dead wood, as this Twitter will attest:
“Don't worry, Sox fans -- we only have to pay Sandoval $18m a year until 2019 and then we're free! (Except for a $5m buyout in 2020.)”
See? I told you schadenfreude, not love or passion or kindness or generosity, is the best thing a human can experience.