It seems oddly fitting that in this season of near-galactic discontent in the National Football League, there should be only three unbeaten teams and three undeniably awful teams. The league is a gigantic regression to a depressing mean, which weirdly works given that the events of the last week were so depressing.
But at least local fans can now turn on both their quarterbacks with undiluted glee, because that’s how it works. Also, TWI –- Teams with Issues (Arizona, Baltimore, Carolina, Minnesota and San Francisco) went 2-3, and two of them played each other so the only way behavioral scientists could have gotten what they wanted in that one is if the Cardinals and 49ers had finished in a scoreless tie while all their belongings were stolen from the locker rooms.
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I wonder if Seattle cornerback DeShawn Shead would have proposed to his girlfriend (now fiancée) had the Seahawks lost in overtime to Denver rather than winning. Let’s put it this way -– if his head coach were Bill Belichick, the thought almost certainly would never have entered his head.
Proof again that love conquers most.
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St. Louis tight end Jared Cook apologized on Twitter for shoving quarterback Austin Davis after dropping a touchdown, which will work extra well now that the league’s chief disciplinarian is back underground.
Although it is rumored he greatly enjoyed the Calgary-Montreal CFL game, in part because his name never came up.
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Miami’s Brian Hartline, though, got some discipline right up front when he scored a touchdown and then pretended to sink a putt, which of course got him a 15-yard penalty. This is the first time the NFL has ever acknowledged that it doesn’t even like a thing most of its executives play all the time.
Self-loathing is always good for the soul. At least for those folks who have one.
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T-minus seven on the Derek Jeter drooling, although MLB Network is reporting that the New York Yankees have already appealed for him to ascend directly into the galactic beyond to begin his new job -– directly intervening to see to it that his old team never loses again.
For his part, Jeter said only that he wished to end his career in Boston next Sunday by disappearing slowly while standing at shortstop until only his smile and hat remained. Something subdued and elegant, yet still very definitely extraterrestrial.
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The day's coolest moment, though, happened in Manchester, where former Chelsea super-duper-star Frank Lampard scored the tying goal moments from game’s end for Man City in their 1-1 tie with his old team, and then declined the opportunity to celebrate the score in front of his old mates or fans. Indeed, his restraint was so perfect that even Chelsea fans who had made the trip to Manchester roared their approval of him after the game.
The uncoolest moment was also a Manchester-related item, as Man United blew a 3-1 lead and lost to newly promoted Leicester City. When Liverpool’s Mario Balotelli tweeted “Man U … LOL,” the expected torrent of racial abuse (key word: “monkey”) caused a number of Twitterati to report the commenters to both Twitter and law enforcement, where laws against being that kind of person on a keyboard actually exist and are enforced.
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And finally, here’s to Eagles cornerback Cary Williams, who promptly decided to row into the current by noting that his head coach, Chip Kelly, is overworking the employees in practice and that it is “not conducive to success.”
“It's hard to go out there and fight for 60 minutes when you're fighting throughout the week to make it through one practice,” Williams said. “I'm not the only one. I'm just the only one that's man enough to stand up here and talk to y'all. It's obviously, in my opinion, an issue in our starts.
“We've got to start taking care of our guys, taking care of our players. A lot of guys coming in here had no legs. We've got to start taking care of our guys throughout the week in order for us to be productive and have more energy on Sundays. You've got to be smart, as a coaching staff and as players.”
The Eagles have won 10 of their last 11 games going back to last season and come to Santa Clara to try the new suggestion of turf.
If the Eagles win there, Williams will be talking to himself.