Programming note: For all the day’s sports news, tune in to SportsNet Central tonight and every night at 6, 10:30 p.m. and midnight on Comcast SportsNet Bay Area
Colin Kaepernick signed a massive new deal, and what was the local fixation:
They had dollar signs on them. And so?
So it’s one more of his mild affectations that rivet us, like his tattoos, or his hat brims, or his hats period, or Tim Lincecum’s pubescent mustache. Say what you want about the sophisticated Bay Area, but we sure can fixate on the gloriously trivial. In other words, we’re just like everywhere else and everyone else, except for the humidity.
Take pride in that. Go on, I dare you.
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This is the worst bet politicians have ever wasted government time on, and as such is perfect because it may lead to the end of wagering by the cheap, ignorant and vapidly grandstand-y. From Yahoo’s curvaceous and talented Greg Wyshynski, the details on the Stanley Cup Finals bet:
From New York governor Andrew Cuomo:
• A hockey puck that he had imprinted last year to mark the “hat trick” of three on-time state budgets.
• Spiedie marinade, which is used to create the spiedie sandwich, which is a thing eaten in upstate New York.
• Chicken wing sauce from Buffalo.
• A bottle of wine from the Finger Lakes.
• Gianelli Hot Italian Sausage; Sammy and Annie Food's Chicken Riggie Pasta Sauce Starter; Parker's Pure New York Maple Syrup; America's First Kettle Chip, Saratoga Chips, Saratoga County; Apples from Fishkill Farms; Red velvet cupcakes from Make My Cake; and oysters harvested off of Long Island's shore.
And from California’s Jerry Brown:
• “California: A History” by Kevin Starr.
• Lundberg Organic Brown Rice Cakes, Lightly Salted.
If these were bets that mattered, we would want the series to go zero games.
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Speaking of zero games, which is the number of NBA games Donald Sterling will see as his time in NBA hell begins, he gave an interview to NBC Los Angeles which explains why he won’t be missed that much.
“When asked how he felt about the impending sale of the Clippers to former Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer, Sterling said he feels “fabulous.”
“I feel very good. Everything is just the way it should be, really. It may have worked out differently, but it’s good. It’s all good.”
When asked if he was OK, Sterling said he was. “I’m OK, I’m OK,” he said. “Is the NBA OK? I’m not sure about that. Is (NBA Commissioner) Adam Silver OK? I’m sure he’s OK.”
Sterling added he was ready to “move on” with his life, before looking back at a man with him and saying “I don’t want to take that picture.”
I hereby apologize to every other owner I have ever criticized for any reason, up to and including criminal activity.
No, that last one’s a lie. After all, let’s never forget who let Sterling – and all the other owners -- buy a team in the first place. The owners who got there before them.
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Cleveland Browns quarterback-in-training Johnny Manziel throws his third ceremonial first pitch Wednesday in Cleveland before Red Sox-Indians, and knowing the Browns, Indians and Cleveland in general, you know how this ends up.
Yup. Manziel needing Tommy John surgery.
But as he recovers from this imaginary setback, at least he knows teammate Ben Tate will have his back.
“He hasn’t played a down in the NFL yet,” Tate said when asked if he thought Manziel was getting too much attention, which of course he is because of the bovine nature of those sentenced to cover football in June. “I don’t know. . . . That’s for y’all to figure out.
“It’s just as a player I know that I would get tired if people were constantly monitoring if I picked my nose, if I spit to the left or right,” Tate added. “I mean, it’s annoying. He’s a human being. He’s a great football player so I understand why he gets some of the constant media attention. At the same time I just figure at this stage he’s tired of it and he wants to come in here and do his job and try to win the starting quarterback position.”
So when this was misconstrued by the wool producers, Tate tweeted a clarification.
“I got 1 finger up to y’all and it’s not my pointer.”
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Knicks demigod Phil Jackson tweeted this: “Undaunted by ‘stuff,’ we will continue to have a relationship with the press, which informs our fan base. #chagrined”
One, I don’t care what prompted this. Two, what exactly did he expect? And three, $12 million a year ought to buy a hell of a lot of chagrin, Philly-boy, so belt up.
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Today’s “Why Are Humans Allowed To Vote On Anything?” is brought to you by veteran Chris Sheridan of Sheridanhoops.com, for the All-NBA team didn’t put LeBron James on his first-team ballot. Sheridan knows basketball, so his defense would be interesting and maybe even thought-proviking, but that was drowned out by the vigilantes who want him strung up by the eyelids.
And why? Because no matter what generation you are a member of, you secretly like the way North Korean democracy works.
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And now, from Doc Walker and for Washington football player Russ Grimm through Dan Steinberg of DC Sports Bog, Your Moment Of Hurl:
“My favorite story in Carlisle,” Walker said, referring to Washington’s old training camp site. “We ate chili dogs the night before. And there was nothing like the end of practice, and then the Fireside Lounge. We were re-hydrating, doing the whole bit, going to meetings. It’s 90, 100, whatever. And it’s grueling, it’s ugly. And Rusty throws up. And here’s a guy, man, he has an appreciation for never wasting food. And he went back and picked that frank up and ate it again.”
“Well, the thing is, you’re in between the practices,” Grimm explained. “You do a couple reps, you come out, and you drink some water and you get that belch, that little bubble in you. It’s like buu-uup, and a little hot dog falls out. And I’ll never forget it because Jeff Parsons, the equipment manager, was standing right beside me. He goes OOOOOHH! He goes ‘You all right?’
“And I says yeah, and I reached down and I grabbed it and I put it back in my mouth. I said, ‘I can’t practice on an empty stomach.’ And he started gagging. And I was laughing so hard. I mean, hey, it already went down once; it’ll be easier going down the second time.”
And now we have OTA’s and stuff like that to see to it that such things never happen again. Yeah, sure.
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And finally, North Attleboro High School track coach Derek Herber watched his team win the Massachusetts Division 2 outdoor championship in what would be his final year as coach, until he started studying the results. Herber noticed the scores in his record book weren’t adding up to the winning total of 69 points, and after working the results with his assistant coach, Herber picked up the phone and called the state scholastic cops to alert officials of a potential mistake. There was, a clerical error that when rectified knocked North Attleboro from first to third, and Herber, obsessed with doing the right thing, reached out to the folks at Central Catholic, who won the event, to apologize and say they would soon be receiving the trophy that was rightfully theirs.
And you all know what this act of honesty and sportsmanship means, right? Lots of very angry parents at North Attleboro, because hating sportsmanship when it is lavished upon an opponent is the way of our people.