There are 13,000 some-odd seats still available at Lambeau Field for Sunday’s 49ers-Packers game, which means one thing: Any 49er fans who think of buying tickets deserve all the frostbite they will get.
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If Jim Harbaugh didn’t go up to 49er offensive line coach Tim Drevno upon hearing Drevno was leaving for a similar job at USC and say, “What’s your deal? No, what’s YOUR deal?” then all rumors of Harbaugh’s nascent sense of humor are a lie.
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Everyone seems to be in agreement that the Detroit Lions coaching vacancy is the most attractive one in the NFL, and those who do not fit into the category of everyone says it’s the Houston Texans.
Well, Houston might be a nice gig, although going from Super Bowl contender to 14-game loser suggests that coaching wasn’t the only insect in the pudding. But Detroit cannot be an attractive job for the following reasons:
These are the men who have coached the Lions since George Wilson led them to their last championship – in 1957. The same family, the Fords, hired them all, or hired the five general managers who hired them all. The only two to have winning records are Schmidt (43-34-7) and Moeller (4-3). The average coach’s record is 20-29. Ten playoff appearances in 49 years, and one playoff win period. What part of desirability do you see here? Megatron himself is not powerful enough to overcome all that.
Oh, and they are interested in former Raider coach Tom Cable.
History speaks, children. Listen to it.
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An excellent New Year’s Day goof would be for Stanford’s David Shaw to say in his Rose Bowl postgame presser, “Hey, I was just kidding about that NFL thing. I’m good to go.” And then laugh as everyone starts tweeting and Condoleezza Rice lurches for his throat.
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Snow is expected for the Winter Classic in Ann Arbor. Maybe it'll be a harbinger for much worse in New York next month. Take a knee, children. We need your prayers.
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There are only eight shopping days before the Hall of Fame Invective-fest, so please remember the rules:
• Generalize when only specificity will do, as in “All voters should be beaten” instead of “Those voters who disagree with me should be beaten.”
• Remember to say, “The process is flawed” without completing the sentence “The process is flawed because I’m not part of it.”
• Assume you know each voter’s inner motives, because while you don’t, paragraphs must be written. We get it.
• Compile lists of next year’s deliberate snubs so that you can be ready next January to repeat Steps 1 through 3.
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Peyton Manning’s passing yards record was reviewed and upheld, an event which put the Oakland Raiders in an odd place. His pass to Eric Decker late in the first half of Denver’s 34-14 win over the Swords Through The Head was called a pass by the Raiders’ in-game statistical crew but was questioned for possible lateral-hood by the nation’s Twitterazzi.
In the old days this wouldn’t have happened, because Al Davis would have (a) had the play called a fumble and an Oakland recovery, and (b) had the stats crew taken to the woods, beaten and abandoned for favoring any Bronco endeavor. Ohh, the good old days.
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Southern coach Roman Banks, whose Jaguars beat Champion Baptist 116-12 Monday night, says he didn’t know the Jags had scored the game’s first 44 points until he looked at the scoreboard and asked an assistant. He meant this explanation to exonerate himself from accusations of running up a score.
Well, if he really didn’t know what the score was, isn’t that an equally damning indictment of his attention to detail? Frankly, he’d have been better off saying, “Champion Baptist is our archrival, and we’ll never take our foot off the gas against them.” It’ll be ridiculous, but what about this isn’t?
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And finally, Tim Tebow’s new TV job is not going to prevent him from seeking out an NFL quarterbacking job. And just when you thought it was safe to turn off your television.