We will now wait while Mark Davis removes that steel-capped stiletto heel with the NFL logo on the heel from his eye. This could take awhile, so you may want to get a snack.
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And we will start with what has become a regular feature here. Eric Mangini, Day 8.
I’m not even sure any more whether ESPN knows something, or someone in their offices is just an incredible wiseass. But eight days insisting that someone who has never coached the San Francisco 49ers does indeed coach the San Francisco 49ers is beyond oversight, and borders on the downright sinister.
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It is remarkable that having seen how the sausage is made in the NFL as regards to the Los Angeles relocation, so many people have suddenly decided at long last that the league essentially operates as an abattoir run by spectacularly amoral people (as opposed to immoral, which we do not claim to know) who would surely do anything to anything for the last quarter under the couch.
To which we can only say, “Welcome to the world the rest of us live in. What the hell kept you?"
[RATTO: Davis' perfect solution goes awry]
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Missouri governor Jay Nixon, of course, acted like a six-year-old who’d just been told Halloween was canceled, saying in a statement (always the best way to reduce your message to soot) that allowing the Rams to move from St. Louis was “a clear deviation from the N.F.L.’s guidelines.”
“It is troubling that the league would allow for the relocation of a team when a home market has worked in good faith and presented a strong and viable proposal,” the words on the paper read. “This sets a terrible precedent not only for St. Louis, but for all communities that have loyally supported their N.F.L. franchises.”
Hey Scooter, when did you think those were NFL guidelines? I mean, ever? When did it ever enter your brain that they take care of anyone other than the people who can make them the most money? What are you, the Easter Bunny? Wake up and smell the shed burning, you witless naïf.
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And in case that escaped you, Guv, here’s Mike Ozanian of Forbes.com, explaining why you get no more team:
The value forbes.com/teams/st-louis… of the Rams just doubled with move to L.A.”
That’s from $1.45B to @2.9B, you cloth-eared dope. Except that you’re not a cloth-eared dope at all, are you? You knew all these things well ahead of time, didn’t you? Of course you did. So all you really are a cheap panderer, like so many of your brethren and sistren.
Yay elected office!
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When new-ish Liverpoool coach Jurgen Klopp was asked to describe himself, Jose Mourinho-style, at his introductory presser, he recognized the trap the reporter was trying to spring and went with “The Normal One.”
So of course the plucky little club (sarcasm) raced to copyright “The Normal One” under European Law “The Normal One,” to sell, as Chris Wright of Who Ate All The Pies listed, “T-shirts, scarves, toilet paper, tampons and the like.”
By that logic, Luke Walton is “The Normal None,” at least based on his official record, Steve Kerr is “The Invisible One,” Peter DeBoer is “The Traveling One,” David Shaw is “The Reluctant One,” Sonny Dykes is “The Eager One,” Bruce Bochy is “The Skulled One,” Bob Melvin is “The UltraNormal One,” Jack Del Rio is “The Square Jawed One,” and Eric Mangini is “The Unanointed One.”
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And Tom Coughlin? “The Old One.”
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The San Diego Chargers announced Tuesday that . . . wait for it . . . linebackers coach Mike Nolan would not return to his post for 2016.
Why they did it Tuesday is a mystery only the media relations people can fully understand because under no circumstances was this a “business as usual day.” That is, unless you do billion-dollar moving van deals as a routine thing.
Which reminds me, who is going to get the elusive moving van shots from Rams Park or Chargers Park? Or, for that matter, from the food truck at Raiders World Headquarters?
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And finally, Kobe Bryant left Tuesday’s loss to New Orleans after 16 minutes with a flare-up of his balky Achilles tendon, which means his last game in Oakland could be in street clothes.
It also means that Denver is getting Karmic revenge for the night last year when Steve Kerr rested Stephen Curry. Payback’s a . . . well, I guess that isn’t payback at all. Damn.