Everything that people want to hate about auto racing (and no, I am not among their tribe) can be summed up by this unbelievably ghastly tweet in the wake of Kevin Ward’s death and the questions regarding Tony Stewart’s culpability:
“With heavy hearts, we turn our attention to today's CheezIt355.”
I speak here for everyone, including the CheezIt people, when I say, “No, we didn’t.” This is one of those moments when, even if the sponsor demands otherwise, someone has to say, “Uhh, no. Guess again.”
[RELATED: Stewart on Ward's death: 'There aren't words']
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Mark Emmert, the last grand vizier of the Ottoman Empire, said the NCAA will appeal its loss in the O’Bannon antitrust trial because, well, because.
To which we say good. Sometimes one kick in the groin isn’t sufficient to learn the lesson, and who doesn’t want to see the NCAA groined again and again on its way to, well, where the Ottoman Empire wound up?
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Speaking of oddball leadership, the 30 major league owners gather this week to vote on a new commissioner, with 23 votes required for election. Rob Manfred is Bud Selig’s choice, Tom Werner is Jerry Reinsdorf’s choice, and Tim Brosnan is hoping the two sides kill each other and vote him just out of weariness.
Our bet? Nobody wins, and Bud Selig declares himself Caretaker For Life, just because I just want to see him going to work in overalls and a tool belt.
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Uhhh, the Hunter Pence sign thing has run its course, kids, just like the Rally Possum. Trending only means having to say, “God, that’s so 48 hours ago.”
[VIDEO: Samardzija believes 'Rally Possum' is his good luck charm]
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And let me be the first to say that Rory McIlroy will win 37 majors.
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New York Jets coach Rex Ryan has been playing the media with extreme prejudice lately, first sending up an ESPN reporter and then one each from the New York Daily News and Post to do podium duty while he sat in the media section and peppered them with questions. This creates some interesting notions:
From Jim Harbaugh: “Do you have a 50-year-old show business reference I can use at my next presser?”
From Pete Carroll: “Can you irritate Jim Harbaugh as well as I can?”
From Dennis Allen: “Can I have three more years, or until our roster is fixed?”
From Gus Bradley: “Can I have three more years, or until our roster is fixed?”
From Mike Tomlin: “Is it true that smiling causes malaria?”
From Jason Garrett: “Can you get Jerry Jones to leave me alone?”
From Lovie Smith: “Can you explain to me who thought of these uniforms? We look like calculators?”
And from Bill Belichick: “Would you mind if I had you shot?”
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Anthony Theriault, an eight-year-old boy swimming in the Restigouche River in New Brunswick came upon a ring commemorating the 1945-46 Stanley Cup Champion Montreal Canadiens and specifically Hall of Famer and now 96-year-old former Canadien Elmer Lach.
Except that it turned out to be a replica and wasn’t priceless or a heartwarming story told by the Montreal Gazette’s Dave Stubbs. Indeed, Stubbs told us the ring was actually a knockoff that, when auctioned, went for $26.24.
But let’s not destroy young Anthony’s dream. I say we send him back down and tell him to find a Stanley Cup, a Vezina Trophy, and the California Golden Seals. I mean, he’s got the touch, right?
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In case you’re still wondering how the hell the Oakland A’s and Raiders stadiums are going to be funded (the detail nobody ever brings up, the lazy sods), here’s a new method. Have the A’s and Raiders sell players to Barcelona.
It seems Barca has bought eight players from Arsenal over the years for a total of $226.45 million (courtesy The Metro). Arsenal’s Emirates Stadium cost $654 million, thus Barcelona’s contribution to the stadium fund is 34 percent, slightly more than a third of the cost.
In other words, Billy Beane blew it by trading Yoenis Cespedes to Boston. He should have done a Barcelona deal – maybe Gerard Pique, or Xavi – and built himself a right field bleachers. Nice going, genius.
[NOTES: Intricacies of sharing a stadium with an NFL squad]
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And finally, with many European leagues already underway, it is in the interests of accuracy that we tell you that Huddersfield Town of England’s Championship (the level right below the Premier League) has fired its manager, mark Robins.
After one game.
After Huddersfield lost 4-0 to Bournemouth.
After Robins described it as “a disgrace.”
One game. Damn. Dude must have taken players off the field and forgotten to substitute them to get the boss that mad that fast.