You know we won’t get Lane Kiffin and Marc Trestman back at the same time. We don’t live that well.
But on the off-chance that we do, then this is a metaphysical lesson for us all, to wit: Nothing is really new, it just jiggles a bit.
You remember Kiffin, who was fired in Oakland with The Last Overhead Projector In The World. You also remember Trestman, who was fired in San Francisco with the very public yet unambiguous cry of “HE’S GONE!”
Kiffin got done in by Al Davis in 2008. Trestman was the lead-in to Eddie DeBartolo’s Loud Goodbye for George Seifert 11 years earlier. DeBartolo later regretted his outburst, but Davis assuredly did not and probably wishes he could have gone in with greater force.
Either way, Kiffin and Trestman are inextricably linked with NFL history in the Bay Area, and if they both come back as rumored, we will bring it up every chance we get.
Why? Because the NFL, that’s why. And because Eddie and Al, that’s why. And because Kiffin tried to get fired, and because Trestman always looked like an owl, And because Jim Tomsula had a bad press conference, and because Jack Del Rio seems like a retread, and because we think we know more about football than we do and we decide that when an offense isn’t functioning like Green Bay’s that the offensive coordinator is singularly and utterly to blame and therefore becomes a buzzword for people who want to pretend they understand the inner workings of a coaching staff.
It’s jargon, used by people who love a game that is gridlocked by jargon, used by those in the business to remind people who are not that they are stupid. It is bullying, and like so many other things about the NFL, it is an acknowledgement that the customer wants to be bullied.
But more than anything, it is the history.
Most teams don’t share the same geography – the Jets and Giants are the only other teams right now, though Los Angeles could be back in play soon, especially if the Raiders lose their beauty contest with the A’s and get told by those bullies in the Oakland city government, “No Ballpit For You.”
But the 49ers and Raiders do, and even though their histories don’t entwine all that much (occasional practice game unpleasantness aside), they do pay attention to each other, and when they say they don’t, they’re lying.
But this? This is plainly hilarious no matter who you root for, no matter how true your belief in your team, no matter even if you are a relative of either the Kiffins or Trestmans.
This is also proof that Mark Davis and Jed York don’t have a firm grip on their fan base’s sensibilities, but we’ve known that awhile. They like to think they live in a vacuum, where the sins of the fathers and uncles are not the sins of the sons and nephews. Of course, they do not. Sins get inherited, just like triumphs.
Fans hold on to histories, even when it is convenient for those in charge to deny that those histories matter. And these are two of the lowest and funniest moments in these two clubs’ histories.
So yes, that’s why we’re going to bring it up, and that’s why we need these two hirings to happen, and that’s why we all need others to help provide us with the laughs we cannot generate ourselves.
In other words, none of us are good enough to have come up with the confluence of events on our own, so we need Mark and Jed to do it for us. Come on fellas. If you want us to feel warmer toward you, give us Trestman and Kiffin. We’ll be good, we promise.
And yes, that last one is a total load of load. We’ll be exactly the way you think we’ll be, because that’s the way nature works.